UFC Jokes

Q: Why is Francis Ngannou a crossword puzzle fighter?
A: You enter the octagon vertical and leave horizontal!

Q: What is a MMA fighters favourite part of a joke?
A: The punch line!

Q: What does Connor McGregor plan to write on Floyd Mayweathers tombstone?
A: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."

Q: What's the difference between the Octagon and a boxing ring?
A: In the Octagon, the fights are real.

Q: What does Ronda Rousey, Ohio State and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
A: They all lost on the final kick.

Q: What do UFC fighters need for chemistry class?
A: Brunson Burners.

Q: Why don't UFC combatants have sex before a fight?
A: They don't fancy each other.

Q: How do you fix a leak in the octagon?
A: With PVZ tape.

Q: Does a match box?
A: No, but a tin can!

Q: How are a Bud Light bottle and a cage fighter alike?
A: They are both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you make a fruit punch?
A: Give it Muay Thai lessons.

Q: What do you call a pig that knows Jiu Jitsu?
A: Porkchop.

Q: What is a Nick Diaz's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A joint in each hand!

Q: Why did the black belt get arrested?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

Q: What do you call a gay MMA fighter?
A: Fruit Punch!

Q: What do you call an Israeli cage fighter?
A: Jew Jitsu.

Q: What does Anderson "The Spider" Silva do when he gets home?
A: He surfs the web.

Q: What do you call a girl that likes MMA?
A: A Fanzant.

Coach, my sparring partner called in sick can I train alone today?
Knock yourself out.

Q: How come Paul "War Machine" Koppenhaver's eyes water during sex?
A: Mace

Q: What do they call a figher who faces Connor McGregor in the Octagon?
A: A sore loser.

Is your dad a UFC fighter? "No Why?" Because your one hell of a knock out!

Would you rather take Holly home or feel Miesha's Taters.

Tyron Woodley vs Stephen Thompson 2

Tyron Woodley and Stephen Thompson went through the motions, hardly touching one another.
They danced around and around. Finally the referee got them in a clinch and said,
"I don't mind your dancing around like that, but dipping is out!"

Mayweather vs McGregor

Floyd "Money" Mayweather Jr and Conor "Notorious" McGregor, finally decided to the mother of all fights.
Halfway into the fourth round, Conor McGregor released a mighty punch that sent Mayweather to the mat for the count.
As his handlers carried him from the ring on a stretcher, the Mayweather groaned and spoke in a feeble voice,
"What happened? I hurt all over!"
"Easy does it, Floyd," said his manager. "You're in better shape than Conor at the moment."
"How can you say that?" Mayweather asked. "I never laid a glove on him."
"No," his manager responded, "but we left him back there in the ring a total wreck. He thinks he killed you."

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