Sailing Jokes

What do you call the fastest sailboat in the world?
Usain Boat.

Why is sailing like sex?
When it's good, it's really, really good. And when it's's still pretty good.

Why did the sailing instructor jump into the water?
She wanted to test the water!

How do you make a yacht look younger?

What's the hardest thing about sailing?
Telling your parents that your gay!

Why shouldn't the Navy name a ship after Donald Trump?
Because it will sink to new lows.

Why did the girl boat have problems sailing?
She didn't have boy-ancy! (Buoyancy)

What race is never run?
A regatta race.

What do you call a competitive sailor who just broke up with his girlfriend?

What do you call a boat that refuses to be Full of Seamen?

What detergent do sailors use?

What does a drunk sailboat do?
Get Wrecked.

How did the Pope sink the brand new yacht?
He christened it with "Holey Water".

How do you make a boat feel better?
Give it some "Vitamin Sea".

Where do ghosts like to go sailing?
Lake Eerie

What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc.

Where do zombies like to go sailing?
The Dead Sea

Why did Pamela Anderson's sailboat tip over?
It was Top Heavy.

What did the sinking ship say to the Seaman?
Bail Me Out.

What do you call a yacht that can't hold its liquor?

What do a dentist and a rowing coach have in common?
They both use drills!

What game do young sailors play?
Dock Dock Caboose.

How do people sailing in the ocean say HI to each other?
They Wave!

If you get on my sailboat and you don't know how to sail "I will Keel you".

History Teacher: Do you know how many people died on the Titanic?
Student: "Who gives a ship?"

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
No it's the C (sea), my love.

What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!

There was a paddle sale at Cabela's.
It was quite an oar deal.

Wife: Honey, guess what I got you for your birthday?
Husband: Something to get rid of me?
Wife: Close, boat no cigar.

Row Row Your Boat
A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side.
She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing.
She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, "You know it's blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!"
Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat, she screams, "If I could swim I'd come out there and punch you out!"

Bartender Says
A man rows into a bar...
Bartender says "hey, whats with the turd on your head?"
The guy says, "Hell, that's no turd, its a FEMA CARE Package!"

Fishing Trip
A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi are on a fishing trip.
The Rabbi says he wants a drink, so he walks off the boat, across the water, and grabs the drink.
A few minutes later, the Minister wants a drink too, and also walks across the water.
The priest thinks to himself 'If God lets them walk on water, he'll let me too, and leaves the boat.
The priest sinks like a stone into the lake.
The Rabbi turns to the Minister and says "guess he didn't know where the stepping stones were."

Ship Facts

Titanic was the first ocean liner to have a swimming pool and a gym.

Large watercraft are generally called ships. Smaller watercraft are generally called boats.

The America’s Cup, a race for sailboats, was originally awarded in 1851, making it the oldest sporting trophy in the world.

Pirate Jokes

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