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Q: Why does President Obama want to send Raider ex-QB Jamarcus Russell to Venezuela?
A: The CIA are convinced Jamarcus is the only American who can overthrow Hugo Chavez.
Q: Why can't Jamarcus Russell use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: What is the new Raiders official cologne creating a lot of buzz?
A: You wear it and the other guy scores.
Q: What do you call an Oakland Raider with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Oakland Raiders and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Oakland Raiders and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Raiders fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Oakland Raiders does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Oakland Raiders.
Q: What do the Oakland Raiders and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Oakland Raiders out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Oakland Raiders players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Oakland Raiders fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat San Diego."
Q: How do you stop an Oakland Raiders fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in San Diego Blue and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Oakland Raiders fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Raiders wide receiver, a Raiders linebacker, and a Raiders defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Oakland Raiders fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Oakland Raiders football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Oakland Raiders fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Oakland Raiders fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Oakland Raiders fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Oakland Raider in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Oaklands's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Oakland Raiders fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What does a Oakland Raiders fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Oakland Raiders fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Raiders spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Raiders fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!
Q: Why do the Oakland Raiders want to change their name to the Oakland Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Oakland Raiders & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Oakland in case of a tornado?
A: The Coliseum they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over the Coliseum upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Sacramento have a professional football team?
A: Because then Oakland would want one.
Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Oakland Raiders, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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