New England Patriots Jokes

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Q: What will happen if Tom Brady can't make the delivery of his first child with Gisele Bundchen?
A: Bill Belichick will tape it!

Q: What is the name for Giselle & Tom Brady's baby boy?
A: Brady Bundch!

Q: Why is Patriots player Rodney Harrison perfect for a broadcasting job with NBC?
A: Anyone who has played with Bill Belichick knows a thing or two about being in front of a camera!

Q: What happened after a man was arrested for taping Erin Andrews in her hotel room?
A: He was immediately hired by the New England Patriots!

Q: Why did the Boston Red Sox trade Manny Ramirez?
A: Because if he was anymore high maintenance Tom Brady might consider dating him!

Q: What's the difference between the New England Patriots and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the New England Patriots and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Patriots fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many New England Patriots does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The New England Patriots.

Q: What do the New England Patriots and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep the New England Patriots out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many New England Patriots players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a New England Patriots fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat the Jets."

Q: How do you stop a New England Patriots fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New York Gang Green!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an New England Patriots fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Patriots wide receiver, a Patriots linebacker, and a Patriots defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an New England Patriots fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three New England Patriots football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a New England Patriots fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the New England Patriots fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: Did you hear that New England's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many New England Patriots fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a New England Patriots fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do New England Patriots fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Patriots spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Patriots fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the New England Patriots want to change their name to the New England Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the New England Patriots & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Boston in case of a tornado?
A: Gillette Stadium they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Gillette Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Connecticut have a professional football team?
A: Because then Massachusetts would want one.

Patriots Fans

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New England Patriots fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Pats fans, too.

Not really knowing what being a Pats fan meant, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, the students' hands flew into the air.

There was, however, one exception. Lucas was not going along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Patriots fan" he said.
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan," boasts the little boy.

The teacher asks Lucas why he is a Colts fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Colts fans, so I'm a Colts fan, too" he responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Lucas smiles and says, "Then I'd be a New England Patriots fan."

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