Minnesota Vikings Jokes
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Teddy Bridgewater told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: Why can't Teddy Bridgewater use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: Why does President Obama want to send Vikings QB Christian Ponder to Syria?
A: The CIA are convinced Christian is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
Q: Why are Brett Favre Jersey sales figures misleading?
A: Most of the sales are by Packers fans looking to burn it!
Q: What does a wrecked car and the Minnesota Vikings have in common?
A: Neither has a title!
Q: How do you know the Minnesota State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Minneapolis.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q: How many Vikings fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Green Bay's shadow!
Q: What do the Minnesota Vikings and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What did the Packers say to the Vikings?
A: Look at my Super bowl Ring
Q: What's the best part about dating a Vikings fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!
Q: What's the smallest room in the Metrodome?
A: The Minnesota Vikings trophy room!
Q: How hard did the Chicago Bears hit Vikings QB Brett Favre before he left the game with a concussion?
A: So hard he sent a girl a picture of himself with his pants on!
Q: How cold is it in Minnesota?
A: So cold the junk on Brett Favre's cellphone started to shrink!
Q: What happened after Brett Favre was fined for inappropriate behavior towards a former Playboy model?
A: His wife took half of everything he owns!
Q: What did the Vikings fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q. How are the Vikings like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Vikings joke?
A: Adrian Peterson!
Q: Why is Matt Asiata like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: What do the Vikings and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: Why can't Minnesota Viking players eat cereal for breakfast?
A: Whenever they get too close to a "bowl" they choke!
Q: How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q: What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Minnesota Vikings and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Vikings and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.
Q: What do the Minnesota Vikings and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Vikings fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Minnesota Vikings.
Q: What do the Minnesota Vikings and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Minnesota Vikings out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Minnesota Vikings players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Minnesota Vikings fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Green Bay."
Q: How do you stop an Minnesota Vikings fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Minnesota Vikings fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Vikings wide receiver, a Vikings linebacker, and a Vikings defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Minnesota Vikings fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Minnesota Vikings football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Minnesota Vikings fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Minnesota Vikings fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Minnesota Vikings fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Minnesota Viking in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Minnesota's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Minnesota Vikings games.
Q: How many Minnesota Vikings fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Minnesota Vikings fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Minnesota Vikings fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Vikings spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Vikings fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the Minnesota Vikings want to change their name to the Atlanta Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Minnesota Vikings & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Minneapolis in case of a tornado?
A: The Metrodome - they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over the Metrodome stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Duluth have a professional football team?
A: Because then Minneapolis would want one.
Q: Why are Minnesota Vikings jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Vikings fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Minnesota Vikings trophy room.
Q: What's the difference between Minnesota Vikings fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What's the difference between the Minnesota Vikings and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Did you hear that Mall of America Field had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Minnesota Vikings fans.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Vikings jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Can a Minnesota Vikings player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Vikings fans.
My wife was about to put my son in a Minnesota Vikings jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
Why did the Minnesota Vikings fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I put a Vikings logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Vikings end zone, they don't catch anything there.
A Vikings fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Leslie Frazier had his house egged last night, 2 eggs hit his house, 3 his neighbors house to the left and 1 to the neighbor on the right with 6 in the backyard and the carton was lying on the ground. The main suspect of the egging is Josh Freeman.
Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Minnesota Vikings, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Packers Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Vikings fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Vikings fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Vikings fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Vikings fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Packers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Packers fan?'
"Because my mom is a Packers fan, and my dad is Packers fan, so I'm a Packers fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Packers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Vikings fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Packers fan, and a Bears fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Bears fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Packers fan off the mountain.