Jacksonville Jaguars Jokes


Q: What happened when Jaguars WR Matt Jones was found in Arkansas with cocaine?
A: Matt was charged with Possession of "Fancy Meth"

Q: How many Jacksonville Jaguars does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: What do you call a Jacksonville Jaguars with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Blake Bortles told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: What's the best part about dating a Jaguars fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!

Q: Why can't Blake Bortles use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: What's the difference between the Jacksonville Jaguars and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What's the difference between the Jaguars and cigarettes?
A: Andrew Luck doesn't smoke cigarettes

Q: What do the Jacksonville Jaguars and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Jaguars fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What did the Jaguars fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the Jaguars like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: What do the Jacksonville Jaguars and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Want to hear a Jaguars joke?
A: Chris Ivory!

Q: Why is Blake Bortles like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: Why does President Obama want to send Jaguars QB Chad Henne to Syria?
A: The CIA are convinced Chad is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.

Q: How do you know the Jacksonville Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Jacksonville.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Jaguars tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: How many Jaguars fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Houstons shadow!

Q: What do the Jaguars and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: How many Jacksonville Jaguars does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Jacksonville Jaguars.

Q: What do the Jacksonville Jaguars and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Jacksonville Jaguars out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Jacksonville Jaguars players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Jacksonville Jaguars fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Indianapolis."

Q: What do the Jaguars and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: How do you stop a Jacksonville Jaguars fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Indianapolis Blue and White!

Q: What's the difference between the Jacksonville Jaguars and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Jacksonville Jaguars fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Jacksonville Jaguars' trophy room.

Q: If you have a car containing a Jaguars wide receiver, a Jaguars linebacker, and a Jaguars defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Jacksonville Jaguars fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Jacksonville Jaguars football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Jacksonville Jaguars fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Jacksonville Jaguars fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Jacksonville Jaguars fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Jacksonville Jaguar in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Jacksonville's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Jacksonville Jaguars games.

Q: How many Jacksonville Jaguars fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Jacksonville Jaguars fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Jacksonville Jaguars fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Jaguars spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Jaguars fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Colts blue and white and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Jacksonville Jaguars want to change their name to the Jacksonville Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Jacksonville Jaguars & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Jacksonville in case of a tornado?
A: Everbank Field they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over EverBank Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Orlando have a professional football team?
A: Because then Jacksonville would want one.

Q: Why are Jacksonville Jaguars jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Jaguars fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Jacksonville Jaguars fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that Everbank Field had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Jacksonville Jaguars fans.

Can a Jacksonville Jaguar player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Jaguars fans.

My wife was about to put my son in a Jacksonville Jaguars jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Jaguars jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Jaguars end zone, they don't catch anything there.

Why did the Jacksonville Jaguars fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Jaguars fans don't always eat pastries, but when they do it's usually a turnover.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Jacksonville Jaguars, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Colts Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Jaguars fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Jaguars fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Jaguars fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Jaguars fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Colts fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Colts fan?'
"Because my mom is a Colts fan, and my dad is Colts fan, so I'm a Colts fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Colts fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Jaguars fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Jaguars fan, and a Colts fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Colts fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Jaguars fan off the mountain.

3 Football Players
There were three football players Blake Bortles, Cecil Shorts and Denard Robinson.
They were on plane but suddenly transported
To 3 pools with a fairy standing next to them.
She granted them one wish each
But it was a transformation wish for the pool.
So the Blake Bortles ran jumped
And wished for the the pool to be transformed into wine and it did
Then it was the Cecil Shorts turn. And he wished for the pool to be transformed into money and it did.
But when it was Denard Robinsons turn. He ran with untied shoelaces
Tripped
And said "SHIT"

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