Indianapolis Colts Jokes

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Q: Why Does Peyton Mannings Wife Want A Divorce?
A: It Seems She Caught Him Making A Pass To One Of His Team Mates.

Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Colts fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Indianapolis Colts does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Indianapolis Colts.

Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Indianapolis Colts out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Indianapolis Colts players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Indianapolis Colts fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New England."

Q: How do you stop an Indianapolis Colts fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New England Red White and Blue!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Indianapolis Colts fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Colts wide receiver, a Colts linebacker, and a Colts defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Indianapolis Colts fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Indianapolis Colts football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Indianapolis Colts fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Indianapolis Colts fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Indianapolis Colts fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Indianapolis Colt in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Indianapolis's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Indianapolis Colts fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a Indianapolis Colts fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Indianapolis Colts fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Colts spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Colts fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Indianapolis Colts want to change their name to the Indianapolis Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Indianapolis in case of a tornado?
A: Lucas Oil Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Lucas Oil stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Fort Wayne have a professional football team?
A: Because then Indianapolis would want one.

Patriots Fans

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New England Patriots fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Pats fans, too.

Not really knowing what being a Pats fan meant, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, the students' hands flew into the air.

There was, however, one exception. Lucas was not going along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Patriots fan" he said.
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan," boasts the little boy.

The teacher asks Lucas why he is a Colts fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Colts fans, so I'm a Colts fan, too" he responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Lucas smiles and says, "Then I'd be a New England Patriots fan."

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Indianapolis Colts, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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