Super Bowl Episode 50: Peyton Strikes Back.
Q: What's Peyton Mannings favorite TV show?
A: Duck Dynasty.
Q: What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Denver Broncos and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Broncos fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What's the difference between the Broncos and cigarettes?
A: Russell Wilson doesn't smoke cigarettes
Q: What do you call a season worth of Peyton Manning game tapes?
A: Duck Dynasty.
Q: What did the Broncos fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q. How are the Broncos like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Have you heard the song about the Broncos Quarterback problems?
A: It's called "No Manning Mo Problems"
Q: What do the Denver Broncos and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: Want to hear a Broncos Super Bowl joke?
A: Demaryius Thomas!
Q: Why are the Broncos like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: Why do the Denver Broncos fail their drug tests?
A: Because they are always a mile HIGH.
Q: How many Broncos fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in San Diegos shadow!
Q: How many Denver Broncos does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Denver Broncos.
Q: What do the Denver Broncos and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep a Denver Bronco out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Denver Broncos games.
Q: What do the Broncos and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: Why are so many Denver Broncos players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Dear Richard Sherman, I'm getting all my "ducks" in a row.
Q: What did the Denver Broncos get for trading Brandon Marshall to the Miami Dolphins?
A: A first round pick and a felon to be named later!
Q: What is a Denver Broncos fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat San Diego."
Q: How do you stop an Denver Broncos fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in San Diego Blue and Yellow!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Denver Broncos fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Broncos wide receiver, a Broncos linebacker, and a Broncos defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Denver Broncos fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Denver Broncos football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Denver Broncos fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Denver Broncos fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does a Denver Broncos fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Denver Bronco in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: What do the Denver Broncos and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday night.
Q: Did you hear that Denvers's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Denver Broncos fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Denver Broncos fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Denver Broncos fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Richard Sherman might have grown up in Compton but Peyton Manning has been through 2 World Wars, 20 Presidents, and is a genuine fossil.
Q: How do the Chargers spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Broncos fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Chargers blue and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the Denver Broncos want to change their name to the Denver Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Denver Broncos & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Denver in case of a tornado?
A: INVESCO Field they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over INVESCO Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Boulder have a professional football team?
A: Because then Denver would want one.
Q: Why are Denver Broncos jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Broncos fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Q: What's the difference between Denver Broncos fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Did you hear that Sports Authority Field had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Denver Broncos fans.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Broncos jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Can a Denver Broncos player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Denver Broncos jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I put a Broncos logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.
A Denver Broncos fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Denver Broncos fans.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Broncos end zone, they don't catch anything there.
Why did the Denver Broncos fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
A Charger fan walks into a bar. There is Broncos memorabilia all over the bar. The bartender is decked out in Broncos gear. The bartender is watching the Broncos/Chargers game on tv, along with a dog wearing a Broncos sweater.
The Charger fan orders a beer, and starts watching the game. The score is 27-0 in the first quarter in favor of the Chargers. Orton drives the Broncos down to the 3 yard line, but again, can't punch it into the end zone. They kick a field goal, making the score 27-3.
The bartender and the dog both go crazy. The dog is jumping all over the bar, barking, tail wagging. The Chargers fan is pretty amazed at the dogs reaction.
The Charger fan says, "That's some dog you got there, buddy. What does he do when Denver scores a touchdown?"
The bartender says "How would I know? I've only had him for 3 years."
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Broncos fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Broncos fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Broncos fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Broncos fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chargers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Chargers fan?'
"Because my mom is a Chargers fan, and my dad is Chargers fan, so I'm a Chargers fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chargers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Broncos fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Broncos fan, and a Chargers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Chargers fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Broncos fan off the mountain.