Cincinnati Bengals Jokes


Q: How many Cincinnati Bengals does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Andy Dalton told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: Why can't Andy Dalton use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: How many Bengals fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Pittsburghs shadow!

Q: What do the Cincinnati Bengals and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: What does a Bengals fan say to a robber?
A: I hate the steelers.

Q: What did the Bengals fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q: What's the best part about dating a Bengals fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!

Q. How are the Cincinnati Bengals like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: How do you know the Ohio State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Cincinnati.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Cincinnati Bengals tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: Want to hear a Bengals joke?
A: Tyler Eifert!

Q: Why is Tyler Eifert like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: What was the good/bad ruling about Chad Johnson and his Ochocinco jerseys?
A: The good news is that the NFL has agreed to have the name Ochocinco on the back of his jersey. The bad news is the front of the jersey will still feature the Cincinnati Bengals!

Q: Which shows are now interested in following the Cincinnati Bengals after HBO's Hard Knocks!
A: America's Most Wanted and Cops!

Q: What do you call an Cincinnati Bengal with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Bengals and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: What do the Cincinnati Bengals and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Bengals fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: Why shouldn't the Bengals let Chad Johnson be called "Ocho Cinco"
A: Because now Terrell Owens wants to be called "Numero Uno Mistakeo"?

Q: Why doesn't Chad Ochocinco need to use condoms?
A: He can't catch anything!

Q: How many Cincinnati Bengals does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Cincinnati Bengals.

Q: What do the Cincinnati Bengals and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: Why did Carson Palmer cross the road?
A: To get to the hospital on the other side!

Q: How do you keep an Cincinnati Bengals out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Cincinnati Bengals players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What do the Bengals and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: What is a Cincinnati Bengals fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Pittsburgh."

Q: How do you stop an Cincinnati Bengals fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Pittsburgh Black and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Cincinnati Bengals fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Bengals wide receiver, a Bengals linebacker, and a Bengals defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate a Cincinnati Bengals fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Cincinnati Bengals football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Cincinnati Bengals fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Cincinnati Bengals fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Cincinnati Bengals fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Cincinnati Bengal in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Cincinnati's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Cincinnati Bengals fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Cincinnati Bengals fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Cincinnati Bengals' trophy room.

Q: Why do Cincinnati Bengals fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Cincinnati Bengals games.

Q: How do the Bengals spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Bengals fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Cincinnati Bengals want to change their name to the Cincinnati Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Cincinnati in case of a tornado?
A: Paul Brown Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Paul Brown stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Columbus have a professional football team?
A: Because then Cincinnati would want one.

Q: Why are Cincinnati Bengals jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Bengals fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: What's the difference between Cincinnati Bengals fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that Paul Brown Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

Can a Cincinnati Bengals player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Cincinnati Bengals jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Cincinnati Bengals fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Bengals jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Why did the Cincinnati Bengals fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Bengals end zone, they don't catch anything there.

Bengals fans don't always eat pastries, but when they do it's usually a turnover.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Cincinnati Bengals, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Steelers Fan

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Bengals fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Bengals fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'

Because I'm not a Bengals fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Bengals fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Steelers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Steelers fan?'

Because my mom is a Steelers fan, and my dad is Steelers fan, so I'm a Steelers fan too!''

Well,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Steelers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, wha t would you be then?'

Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Bengals fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Bengals fan, and a Steelers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Steelers fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Bengals fan off the mountain.

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