Chicago Bears Jokes

Back to: Sports Jokes : NFL Jokes

Q: How hard did the Chicago Bears hit Brett Favre before he left the game with a concussion?
A: So hard he sent a girl a picture of himself with his pants on!

Q: Why are the Bears happy to have Jay Cutler as their QB?
A: Because they were running out of Rex Grossman effigies!

Q: What happened after the Chicago Bears released Muhsin Muhammed?
A: George W Bush thanked the team for rooting out Terrorism!

Q: What's the difference between the Chicago Bears & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Why was Ron Turner fuming mad when the Bears playbook was stolen?
A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it!

Q: How can you tell when the Chicago Bears are going to run the football?
A: Matt Forte leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes!

Q: What do you call an Chicago Bear with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Chicago Bears and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Chicago Bears and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Bears fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Chicago Bears does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Chicago Bears.

Q: What do the Chicago Bears and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Chicago Bears out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Chicago Bears players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Chicago Bears fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Green Bay."

Q: How do you stop an Chicago Bears fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Packers Green and Yellow!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Chicago Bears fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Bears wide receiver, a Bears linebacker, and a Bears defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Chicago Bears fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Chicago Bears football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Chicago Bears fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Chicago Bears fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Chicago Bears fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Chicago Bear in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Chicago's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Chicago Bears fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a Chicago Bears fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Chicago Bears fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Bears spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Bears fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Chicago Bears want to change their name to the Chicago Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Chicago Bears & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
A: Soldier Field they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Soldier Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Springfield have a professional football team?
A: Because then Chicago would want one.

Bears Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Packers fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Packers fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Packers fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Packers fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Bears fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Bears fan?'
"Because my mom is a Bears fan, and my dad is Bears fan, so I'm a Bears fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Bears fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Packers fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Bears fan, and a Packers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Bears fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Packers fan off the mountain.

Joke Generators:
Click Here for a random Pick Up Line
Click Here for a random Yo Mama Joke
Click Here for a random Dirty Joke
Click Here for a random Ethnic Joke
Click Here for a random Blonde Joke
Click Here for a random Knock Knock Joke
Click Here for a Random Joke (all other categories)