Carolina Panthers Jokes

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Q: How do you know the Michigan State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Detroit.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Detroit Lions tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: What happened after Carolina QB Jake Delhomme threw a tantrum after learning the Panthers released him?
A: It was intercepted!

Q: How many Carolina Panthers does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: What will the Carolina Panthers do if Ray Carruth is acquitted?
A: Change their offense to the Shoot and Run!

Q: What would happen if Rae Carruth was to kill 2 more people?
A: Carolina's first NFL Record!

Q: What do you call an Carolina Panthers with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Carolina Panthers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Panthers fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Carolina Panthers does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Carolina Panthers.

Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Carolina Panthers out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Carolina Panthers players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Carolina Panthers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New Orleans."

Q: How do you stop an Carolina Panthers fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Carolina Panthers fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Panthers wide receiver, a Panthers linebacker, and a Panthers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Carolina Panthers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Carolina Panthers football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Carolina Panthers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Carolina Panthers fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Carolina Panthers fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Carolina Panther in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Carolina's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Carolina Panthers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a Carolina Panthers fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Carolina Panthers fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Panthers spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Panthers fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Carolina Panthers want to change their name to the Carolina Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Carolina Panthers & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Charlotte in case of a tornado?
A: Bank Of America Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Bank Of America stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Raleigh have a professional football team?
A: Because then Charlotte would want one.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Carolina Panthers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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