Carolina Panthers Jokes
Why can't Cam Newton eat cereal?
Because he lost the bowl.
Q: What do the Los Angeles Police Department and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
A: Neither one can stop a Bronco.
What Britney Spears song did Cam Newton listen to before the Super Bowl?
Oops, I fumbled again......
Q: How do you know the North Carolina State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Charlotte.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Carolina Panthers tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q: How many Carolina Panthers does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q: What does Cam Newton and a fig newton have in common?
A: They both crumble under pressure.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Cam Newton told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: Why can't Cam Newton use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: How many Panthers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in New Orleans shadow!
Q: What will the Carolina Panthers do if Ray Carruth is acquitted?
A: Change their offense to the Shoot and Run!
Q: How do you know the North Carolina State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Charlotte.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Carolina Panthers tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q: What would happen if Rae Carruth was to kill 2 more people?
A: Carolina's first NFL Record!
Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What does marijuana and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls.
Q: What's the best part about dating a Panthers fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!
Q: What do the Panthers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: What did the Panthers fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q. How are the Panthers like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Panthers joke?
A: Ted Ginn Jr!
Q: Why is Cam Newton like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: What do you call an Carolina Panthers with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Carolina Panthers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Panthers fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Carolina Panthers does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Carolina Panthers.
Q: What do the Carolina Panthers and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Carolina Panthers out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Carolina Panthers players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Carolina Panthers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New Orleans."
Q: How do you stop an Carolina Panthers fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Carolina Panthers' trophy room.
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Carolina Panthers fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Panthers wide receiver, a Panthers linebacker, and a Panthers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Carolina Panthers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Carolina Panthers football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Carolina Panthers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Carolina Panthers fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Carolina Panthers fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Carolina Panther in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Carolina's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Carolina Panthers games.
Q: How many Carolina Panthers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Carolina Panthers fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Carolina Panthers fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do the Panthers and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday night.
Q: How do the Panthers spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: What happened after Carolina QB Jake Delhomme threw a tantrum after learning the Panthers released him?
A: It was intercepted!
Q: How do you keep a Panthers fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the Carolina Panthers want to change their name to the Carolina Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Carolina Panthers & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Charlotte in case of a tornado?
A: Bank Of America Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Bank Of America stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Raleigh have a professional football team?
A: Because then Charlotte would want one.
Q: Why are Carolina Panthers jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Panthers fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between Carolina Panthers fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What's the difference between the Carolina Panthers and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Carolina Panthers fans.
Can a Carolina Panthers player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Carolina Panthers jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
Did you hear that Bank of America Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Carolina Panthers fans.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Panthers jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Panthers end zone, they don't catch anything there.
I put a Panthers logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.
Why did the Carolina Panthers fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Panthers fans don't always eat pastries, but when they do it's usually a turnover.
Cam Newton
OK so ...
Cam Newton walks into a late night bar in Denver after the game with his pet cat under his arm. The bartender says "Hold it right there ! ... Personally I don't much care for YOU or your silly little mascot ... but this establishment has rules and there's NO WAY I'm gonna let you bring a live panther in here!"
Cam says indignantly, "You idiot ... It's not a panther. This is an ordinary house cat!"
To which the bartender replies, "Excuse ME ! ... I was talking to the CAT"
Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Carolina Panthers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Atlanta Falcons Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Panthers fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Panthers fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Panthers fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Panthers fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Falcons fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Falcons fan?'
Because my mom is a Falcons fan, and my dad is Falcons fan, so I'm a Falcons fan too!''
Well,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Falcons fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, wha t would you be then?'
Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Panthers fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Falcons fan, and a Panthers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Falcons fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Panthers fan off the mountain.