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Buffalo Bills Jokes


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Q: Why are the New York Jets like Hillary Clinton?
A: Both have Bills to push around.

Q: How many Buffalo Bills does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: Did you hear about the joke that EJ Manuel told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: Why can't EJ Manuel use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: How many Bills fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in New England's shadow!

Q: How do you know the New York State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Buffalo.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Buffalo Bills tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: Why did the NFL refuse to punish the Bills Marshawn Lynch for his hit and run accident?
A: Six months with the Buffalo Bills is punishment enough!

Q: What will happen if the Buffalo Bills actually win a playoff game?
A: Hell will freeze over!

Q: What did the Bills fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the Buffalo Bills like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: What do the Buffalo Bills and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Want to hear a Buffalo Bills joke?
A: Kevin Kolb!

Q: Why is Steve Johnson like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: Did you hear that someone purchased the Buffalo Bills and is going to move them to Alaska?
A: They are going to rename them the Arctic Chokes.

Q: How do you know the New York Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Buffalo.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Buffalo Bills tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: What do you call an Buffalo Bill with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Buffalo Bills and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Bills fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Buffalo Bills does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Buffalo Bills.

Q: What do the Buffalo Bills and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Buffalo Bills out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Buffalo Bills players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Buffalo Bills fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New England."

Q: Why shouldn't Bills WR Stevie Johnson tweet to god about dropping a game winning touchdown pass in the overtime game with Pittsburgh?
A: God is a Steelers fan!

Q: How do you stop an Buffalo Bills fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New England Red White and Blue!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Buffalo Bills fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Bills wide receiver, a Bills linebacker, and a Bills defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Buffalo Bills fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Buffalo Bills football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Buffalo Bills fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Buffalo Bills fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Buffalo Bills fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a Buffalo Bill in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Buffalo Bills' trophy room.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Buffalo Bills games.

Q: Did you hear that Buffalo's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Buffalo Bills fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What does a Buffalo Bills fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Buffalo Bills fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Bills spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Bills fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Buffalo Bills want to change their name to the Buffalo Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Buffalo in case of a tornado?
A: Ralph Wilson Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Ralph Wilson stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Albany have a professional football team?
A: Because then Buffalo would want one.

Q: Why are Buffalo Bills jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Bills fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Buffalo Bills fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that Ralph Wilson Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Buffalo Bills, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

New England Patriots Fan

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Bills fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Bills fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'

Because I'm not a Bills fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Bills fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Patriots fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Patriots fan?'

Because my mom is a Patriots fan, and my dad is Patriots fan, so I'm a Patriots fan too!''

Well,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Patriots fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, wha t would you be then?'

Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Bills fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Bills fan, and a Patriots fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Patriots fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Bills fan off the mountain.



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