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Baltimore Ravens Jokes


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Q: What do they call a drug ring in Baltimore?
A: A huddle

Q: How do you know the Ravens had a 10-6 record this year?
A: 10 arrests and 6 convictions.

Q: What do you say to a Baltimore Raven in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Joe Flacco told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: Why can't Joe Flacco use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: How do you know the Baltimore Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Baltimore.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Baltimore Ravens tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: How many Ravens fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Pittsburgh's shadow!

Q: What did the Steelers fan say to the Ravens fan?
A: When you fill at least one hand with jewelry, then we can talk.

Q: What did the Ravens fan tell the Steelers fan?
A: After the game, remember your still in Baltimore!

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: What did the Ravens fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the Ravens like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: Want to hear a Ravens joke?
A: Ray Rice!

Q: Why is Ray Rice like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Ravens fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Baltimore Ravens does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Baltimore Ravens.

Q: What do the Baltimore Ravens and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Baltimore Ravens out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Baltimore Ravens players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

I told Jon Harbaugh he doesn't have an elite quarterback.
He said "Well Flac you"

Q: What's the difference between the Ravens and cigarettes?
A: Mike Tomlin doesn't smoke cigarettes

Q: What is a Baltimore Ravens fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Pittsburgh."

Q: How do you stop an Baltimore Ravens fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Pittsburgh Black and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Baltimore Ravens fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Ravens wide receiver, a Ravens linebacker, and a Ravens defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Baltimore Ravens fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Baltimore Ravens football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Baltimore Ravens fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Baltimore Ravens fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Baltimore Ravens fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Baltimore Raven in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Baltimore's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Baltimore Ravens fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Baltimore Ravens games.

Q: What does a Baltimore Ravens fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Baltimore Ravens fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Ravens spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Ravens fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Baltimore Ravens want to change their name to the Baltimore Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Why can't Jamal Lewis be in the Ravens huddle anymore?
A: It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

Q: Where do you go in Baltimore in case of a tornado?
A: M&T Bank Stadium they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over M&T Bank Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Annapolis have a professional football team?
A: Because then Baltimore would want one.

Q: Why are Baltimore Ravens jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Ravens fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Baltimore Ravens fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that M&T Bank Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

Ray Rice is part Native American.
It was recently discovered he's from the slap-a-hoe tribe.

Baltimore Ravens One Liners

49ers vs Ravens should be a pretty decent opening act for the Beyoncé concert.

If Ravens & 49ers are tied at end of regulation of Super Bowl XLVII, the 2 Harbaugh brothers will meet at midfield and wrestle to see who wins.

Congrats to the Baltimore Ravens on winning their Beyonce concert tickets.

Ray Rice

Janay Rice was fed up with Rays mood swings so she went to the store and bought him one of those mood rings.
When it's green it means he's in a good mood but when he's not in a good mood......
It leaves a fuckin big red mark on her forehead.

Steelers Fan

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Ravens fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Ravens fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'

Because I'm not a Ravens fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Ravens fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Steelers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Steelers fan?'

Because my mom is a Steelers fan, and my dad is Steelers fan, so I'm a Steelers fan too!''

Well,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Steelers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, wha t would you be then?'

Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Ravens fan.'


4 Football Fans

A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Ravens fan, and a Steelers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.

The Steelers fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Ravens fan off the mountain.


Steelers Fan and the Priest

A Steelers fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Ravens fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Purple & Gold shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them then swerve back just missing them.

One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, 'Where are you going, Father?'

'I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road,' replied the priest. 'Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!' The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.

Suddenly, the driver saw a Ravens fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.

Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.

He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, sorry Father , I almost hit that Ravens fan.'

'That's OK,' replied the priest 'I got him with the door.'


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