Arizona Cardinals Jokes


Q: What happened after Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner announced his retirement from football?
A: Brett Favre called him a quitter!

Q: Want to hear a Cardinals joke?
A: Carson Palmer!

Q: Why is Carson Palmer like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: What did the Steelers say to the Cardinals?
A: Look at my Super bowl Ring

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Carson Palmer told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: Why does President Obama want to send Cardinals QB Carson Palmer to Syria?
A: The CIA are convinced Carson is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.

Q: Why can't Carson Palmer use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q. How are the Cardinals like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: How many Cardinals fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in San Francisco's shadow!

Q: What's the best part about dating a Cardinals fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!

Q: What do the Cardinals and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: What happened after the Arizona Cardinals lost in the playoffs?
A: Kurt Warner asked the team whether they wanted paper of plastic!

Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Why did hell freeze over January 2, 1999?
A: Because the Cardinals were playing a playoff game that day.

Q: Why should the Cardinals pay more attention to Anquan Boldin's trade demands?
A: He's been hanging out with Plaxico Burress!

Q: How many Arizona Cardinals does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: Why doesn't Tucson have a professional football team?
A: Because then Phoenix would want one.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Arizona Cardinals' trophy room.

Q: How do you know the Arizona State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Glendale.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Arizona Cardinals tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: What is the difference between a Cardinals fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Arizona Cardinals does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Arizona Cardinals.

Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Arizona Cardinal out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Phoenix in case of a tornado?
A: University of Phoenix Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q: What do you call an Arizona Cardinal with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: Why are so many Arizona Cardinals players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Arizona Cardinals fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Pittsburgh."

Q: How do you stop an Arizona Cardinals fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Pittsburgh Black and Yellow!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Arizona Cardinals fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Cardinals wide receiver, a Cardinals linebacker, and a Cardinals defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Arizona Cardinals fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Arizona Cardinals football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Arizona Cardinals fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Arizona Cardinals fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Arizona Cardinals fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Arizona Cardinal in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Arizona's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Arizona Cardinals football games.

Q: What do the Cardinals and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: How many Arizona Cardinals fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Arizona Cardinals fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q. Why do ducks fly over University of Phoenix stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What did the Arizona Cardinals fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q: Why do Arizona Cardinals fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Cardinals spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: How do you keep a Cardinals fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick St Louis Millennium blue & new century gold and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Arizona Cardinals want to change their name to the Arizona Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Why are Arizona Cardinals jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Cardinals fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Arizona Cardinals fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that University of Phoenix Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Arizona Cardinals fans.

Can an Arizona Cardinals player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in an Arizona Cardinals jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Cardinals jersey on it and now it sucks again.

A Cardinals fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Cardinals end zone, they don't catch anything there.

Why did the Arizona Cardinals fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Arizona Cardinals, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Steelers Fan

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cardinals fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Cardinals fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'

Because I'm not a Cardinals fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Cardinals fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Steelers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Steelers fan?'

Because my mom is a Steelers fan, and my dad is Steelers fan, so I'm a Steelers fan too!''

Well,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Steelers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, wha t would you be then?'

Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Cardinals fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Cardinals fan, and a Steelers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Steelers fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Cardinals fan off the mountain.

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