Arizona Cardinals Jokes

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Q: Why should the Cardinals pay more attention to Anquan Boldin's trade demands?
A: He's been hanging out with Plaxico Burress!

Q: What happened after Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner announced his retirement from football?
A: Brett Favre called him a quitter!

Q: What happened after the Arizona Cardinals lost in the playoffs?
A: Kurt Warner asked the team whether they wanted paper of plastic!

Q: Why did hell freeze over January 2, 1999?
A: Because the Cardinals were playing a playoff game that day.

Q: How many Arizona Cardinals does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: Why doesn't Tucson have a professional football team?
A: Because then Phoenix would want one.

Q: What is the difference between a Cardinals fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Arizona Cardinals does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Arizona Cardinals.

Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Arizona Cardinal out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Phoenix in case of a tornado?
A: University of Phoenix Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q: What do you call an Arizona Cardinal with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: Why are so many Arizona Cardinals players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Arizona Cardinals fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Pittsburgh."

Q: How do you stop an Arizona Cardinals fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Pittsburgh Black and Yellow!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Arizona Cardinals fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Cardinals wide receiver, a Cardinals linebacker, and a Cardinals defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Arizona Cardinals fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Arizona Cardinals football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Arizona Cardinals fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Arizona Cardinals fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Arizona Cardinals fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Arizona Cardinal in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Arizona's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Arizona Cardinals fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a Arizona Cardinals fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q. Why do ducks fly over University of Phoenix stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why do Arizona Cardinals fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Cardinals spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Cardinals fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick St Louis Millennium blue & new century gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Arizona Cardinals want to change their name to the Arizona Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Arizona Cardinals, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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