Washington Wizards Jokes

Q: What do you call an Washington Wizards player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Washington Wizards and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Washington Wizards and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Wizards fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Washington Wizards players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Washington Wizards.

Q: How do you keep an Washington Wizards player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.

Q: What do you need if you want to go to a Washington Wizards game?
A: Dolla Dolla Beals

Q: What's the difference between the Miami Heat and the Washington Wizards?
A: The last Heat NBA Finals team picture isn't in black and white.

Q: What is a Washington Wizards fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Boston."

Q: How do you stop an Washington Wizards fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Boston Green and White!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Washington Wizards fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Wizards power forward, a Wizards point guard, and a Wizards center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Washington Wizards fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What do the Wizards and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.

Q: What should you do if you find three Washington Wizards basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Washington Wizards fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Washington Wizards fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Washington Wizards fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Washington Wizards fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Washington Wizards fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Washington Wizards fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Wizards spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Wizards fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Boston green and white and he won't beat it for years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Verizon Center upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Maryland have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Washington DC would want one.

Q: What do you call a Washington Wizard in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Washington's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: Why are Washington Wizards jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Wizards fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between the Washington Wizards and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Wizards.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Washington Wizards fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Washington Wizards jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Can a Washington Wizards player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Wizards jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

Why did the Washington Wizards fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

I heard a Washington Wizards player was robbed.
Police are calling it Grand Theft Otto.

If the Wizards want to win a championship, they'll need a clean Beal of health.

I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Washington Wizards laid tonight.

A Wizards fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Wizards Fan

A Wizards fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Slate Blue and Gold jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Wizards fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Wizards fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Wizards supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".

A Wizards fan and a Celtics fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Wizards fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Wizards fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Wizards fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Celtics fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Celtics fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Wizards fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.

John Wall

John Wall walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies John "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks John . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."


What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's slate blue and gold and goes on a prick? A Wizards Jersey.

Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Washington Wizardss fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Washington Wizardss fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Washington Wizardss fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Washington Wizardss fans on the moon?

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