Sacramento Kings Jokes
Q: What do you call an Sacramento Kings player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Sacramento Kings and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Sacramento Kings and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Kings fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Sacramento Kings players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Sacramento Kings.
Q: How do you keep an Sacramento Kings player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What is a Sacramento Kings fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."
Q: How do you stop an Sacramento Kings fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!
Q: What do the Kings and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Sacramento Kings fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Kings power forward, a Kings point guard, and a Kings center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Sacramento Kings fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Sacramento Kings basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Sacramento Kings fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Sacramento Kings fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What's the difference between Demarcus Cousins and time?
A: Time passes.
Q: What does an Sacramento Kings fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many Sacramento Kings fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Sacramento Kings fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Sacramento Kings fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Kings spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Kings fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over ARCO Arena upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't San Francisco have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Sacramento would want one.
Q: What do you call a Sacramento King in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Sacramento's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: Why are Sacramento Kings jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Kings fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Sacramento Kings and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Kings.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Sacramento Kings fans.
Can a Sacramento Kings player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Sacramento Kings jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Sacramento Kings jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Sacramento Kings fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Sacramento Kings laid tonight.
A Sacramento Kings fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Kings Fan
A Kings fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Purple and Silver jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Kings fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Kings fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Kings supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Kings fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Kings fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Kings fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Kings fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Kings fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
Omri Casspi
Omri Casspi walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Omri "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Omri . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's purple and silver and goes on a prick? A Kings Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Sacramento Kings fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Sacramento Kings fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Sacramento Kings fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Sacramento Kings fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!