Boston Celtics Jokes
Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: Because he thought Glen "Big Baby" Davis was going to eat him!
Q: What do you call someone who can name the Celtics leading playoff scoring and assists leader?
A: A Bird brain.
Q: Why shouldn't Celtics fans wear Khloe Kardashian masks to distract the Los Angeles Lakers?
A: Because a possibly pregnant white women scares the Boston Celtics players as well!
Q: What's the difference between the Boston Celtics and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Boston Celtics and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Celtics fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Boston Celtics players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Boston Celtics.
Q: How do you keep an Boston Celtics player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What delayed Stephon Marbury's arrival in Boston?
A: All the excess baggage he carried along with him!
Q: What is a Boston Celtics fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."
Q: How do you stop an Boston Celtics fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Yellow and Purple!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Boston Celtics fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Celtics power forward, a Celtics point guard, and a Celtics center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Boston Celtics fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What do the Celtics and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: What should you do if you find three Boston Celtics basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Boston Celtics fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Boston Celtics fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Boston Celtics fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Boston Celtic in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Boston's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Boston Celtics fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Boston Celtics fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Boston Celtics fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Celtics spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Celtics fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Boston green and white and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over TD Garden upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Connecticut have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Massachusetts would want one.
Q: Why are Boston Celtics jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Celtics fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Boston Celtics and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Celtics.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Boston Celtics fans.
Can an Boston Celtics player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in an Boston Celtics jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Celtics jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Boston Celtics fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Boston Celtics laid tonight.
A Boston Celtics fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Celtics Fan
A Celtic fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Green and white jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Celtic fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Celtic fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Celtic supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Lakers fan and a Celtics fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Lakers fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Lakers fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Lakers fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Celtics fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Celtics fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Lakers fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
Paul Pierce
Paul Pierce walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Pierce "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Pierce . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's green and goes on a prick? A Celtics Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Boston Celtics fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Boston Celtics fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Boston Celtics fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Boston Celtics fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!