Minnesota United FC Jokes
Q: What do you call 100 Minnesota United supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!
Q: What do you call a dead Loons Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.
Q: What do you say to a Minnesota United supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q: What do you call an Minnesota United fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Minnesota United Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Minnesota United Fan. Twice.
Q: What is the difference between Minnesota United and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!
Q: What do you call a Minnesota United fan in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: Why did God make Minnesota United supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!
Q: Why don't they drink tea at TCF Bank Stadium?
A: Because all the cups are in Los Angeles.
Q: Why do Minnesota United blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Los Angeles!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Minnesota United?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: What do you call 5 Minnesota United fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are Minnesota United strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Minnesota United tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Minnesota United tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Minnesota United striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do Minnesota United fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What does a fine wine and Minnesota United have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Loons fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: Whats the difference between Minnesota United and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What is the difference between an Minnesota United supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do I have in common with Minnesota United?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the MLS Cup final on television.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Loons fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you casterate a Minnesota United supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What does a Minnesota United fan do when his team has won the MLS Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What does an Minnesota United supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you keep a Minnesota United fan from masterbating?
A: You paint the Seattle Sounders Logo on his dick and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over TCF Bank Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Minnesota United doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How do you stop a Minnesota United supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in a LA Galaxy jersey!
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Minnesota United supporters can get laid too.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Minnesota United supporter!
Q: What's the difference between onions and a Minnesota United supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: Why are Minnesota United jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Loons fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Minnesota United supporters.
I set my XBOX password to "Minnesota United Defense". It said it was to weak.
One day there was 3 girls one supported the LA Galaxy and wore navy blue knickers,
the second one wore supported the Seattle Sounders and wore green knickers,
the other one wore no knickers and she supported Minnesota United.
Reckless Driver
A Seattle Sounders fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Minnesota United supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious black and blue jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Minnesota United supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Minnesota United supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Elementary School
An elementary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Minnesota United supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Minnesota United supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a Minnesota United supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Minnesota United fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Seattle Sounders supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Sounders supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Sounders supporters, and I'm a Sounders fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Minnesota United supporter."