Manchester City Football Club Jokes
Q: How many MCFC supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What's the difference between Manuel Pellegrini and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Manuel Pellegrini.
Q: What do you call a Sky Blues fan with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead MCFC fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What's the difference between a MCFC fan and a Vibrator?
A: A MCFC fan is a real dick
Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Manchester Stadium?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester City players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Manchester Stadium on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Sky Blues fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Manchester City fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q. What do you call a Manchester City fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
If you can't score on Manchester City, then your in Good Kompany.
Q: How many MCFC fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester City fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What ship didn't make it to Manchester City?
A: The premier ship
Q: Where can you find a bunch of shirtless hooligans?
A: Man Chest Hair City.
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Manchester City?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: What do you call 5 Sky Blues fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are Manchester City strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Manchester City tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Manchester City tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Manchester City striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do Manchester City fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Manchester City fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: Whats the difference between Manchester City and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What is the difference between a Sky Blues supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do I have in common with Manchester City?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Manchester City fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you casterate a Manchester City supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What does a Manchester City fan do when his team has won the Champions League?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What does an Manchester City supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q. Why do ducks fly over City of Manchester Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Manchester City doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How do you stop a Manchester City supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in a Man U jersey!
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Manchester City supporters can get laid too.
Q: Did you hear about the robot Manchester city has playing right back?
A: Apparently the Bacarys (batteries) are not included.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Manchester City supporter!
Q: What's the difference between onions and a MCFC supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: What's the difference between Manchester City supporters and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: Why are Manchester City jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Blue Sky supporters have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent MCFC supporters.
I set my XBOX password to "Manchester City's Defense". It said it was to weak.
Manchester City has accused Aston Villa of Grand Theft Auto. Specifically they have asked Aston Villa to "Give Me Back Micah".
Career Day
It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Manchester City.'
Reckless Driver
A Manchester United fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Sky Blues supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Manchester City jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a MCFC supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester City supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Primary
A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Manchester City supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Manchester City supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a City supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Sky Blues supporter."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be an Arsenal supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Gunners supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Gunners supporters, and I'm an Arsenal fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Manchester City supporter."
David Silva
David Silva walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies David "You should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Wayne . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."