Kentucky Derby Jokes

What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?

Why do race horses like to fart when they buck?
Because they can't achieve full horse power without gas.

Are you a race horse? Yay or neigh?

What type of a computer does a race horse like to eat?
A Macintosh

What do you call a race horse with the negative altitude?

When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.

What do race horses eat?
Fast Food.

What did the bra say to the Derby hat?
You go on a head while I give these two a lift.

What did the waiter say to the race horse?
I can't take your order. That's not my stable.

A horse named "Needle and Thread" is running away with the horse race what did the announcer say?
"I think he's got this race all sewn up"

What did one race horse say to the other?
The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.

How do you make a small fortune in Thoroughbred horse racing
Start with a large fortune.

What gets a jockey drunk at the bar?
A furlong island ice tea.

How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
With Southern Horspitality!

What do you call a well balanced race horse?

What do you call a race horse with only 2 legs?
Goody two-shoes.

Why are race horses in shape?
Because they are on a stable diet.

What kind of bread does a horse eat?

Why was the horse naked?
Because the jockey fell off.

What did Victor Espinoza drink after winning the Belmont Stakes in 2015?
A shot of Triple Crown Royal.

What is a retired race horse's favorite sport?
Stable Tennis.

Where do colts go when they're sick?
The horsepital!

Where do race horses shop?
Old Neigh-vy!

Why are jockeys so skinny?
Because they only eat Seabiscuits and tea.

Why don't racehorses wear underwear?
Because it rides up on them!

I call my son Seabiscuit because all he does is horse around.

A dog is man's best friend, especially after you lose money on a horse.

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a race horse sitting next to him.
"Are you a race horse?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The horse replied, "Well, I liked the book."

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