Karate Jokes

What do you call a pig that does karate?

What do you call a goat that knows martial arts?
Karate kid.

What is the difference between Judo and Karate?
Karate is an ancient form of self defense, and Judo is what they make bagels out of!

Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the marines?
No. Well I have. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!

Which high-kicking ferret won the Gold in Tae Kwon Do at the '92 Olympic Games?
Herb Ferretz.

Why did the black belt get arrested?
He held up a pair of pants.

What does the zero say to the the eight?
Nice black belt!

What does Bruce Lee drink when he's thirsty?

What does Bruce Lee eat when he's hungry?

What do you call a sheep doing karate?

Do you know what happened to Bruce Lee after he fought Chuck Norris?
He became Bruised Lee

What does Ronda Rousey, Ohio State and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
They all lost on the final kick.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Do you know Karate, cause I don't want you to kick me when I grab your butt.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

The most dangerous form of transportation is Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick, it is also the fastest.

"Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate. "
Demetri Martin

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Carrot Who?
Karate Chop!

Skinny Guy
A short skinny guy is drinking beer and All of a sudden another man punches him and says "Karate chop from Japan."

The short skinny guy gets up and moves away. The same man comes again and throws him. He then says "Judo throw from China".

The short skinny guy goes out and is gone for an hour.

He comes back knocks the guy out, and tells the bartender "When he comes to, tell him a crowbar from Costco."

Four Nerds
Four nerds were sitting down in a room talking about sports.
One nerd says to the other "Hey, do you know what taekwondo is?"
the other replied, "nope, never heard of that Pokemon".....

Banking Crisis
Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

Iron Man
Three guys were talking in the local bar. The manager was so sure that its bouncer was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him.

The challenge was that the bouncer would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.

Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters, karate masters, and all had failed. Then one day this geeky little fella with heavy black rimmed glasses came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.

After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar!

Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a construction worker, Mixed Martial Arts fighter, what?" "No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."

Chuck Norris Jokes
Bruce Lee Jokes

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