What do you call a blonde at a golf course?
The 19th hole.
What should you do if you're golfing near lightning?
Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron.
How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife?
He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.
How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course?
By stragetically placing fire hydrants.
Why are golf and sex so similar?
They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the
course sometime.
What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan?
A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.
Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club?
Happy Gilmore.
What do you call a golfer that fights corrupt police officers, enemy troops and drug cartels?
Jon Rahm-bo.
Where is the best place to go on vacation?
In the Golf of Mexico!
What do you getll a blonde at the driving range?
Lift your head and spread your legs.
What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day?
Wash your balls.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Do you know why the game is called golf?
Because all the other four letter words were taken.
It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take.
What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf?
Fantastic 4-some.
A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs.
Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron?
Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter!
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble?
Intercourse!
If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all?
SO why does the golfer carry two shirts?
In case he gets a hole in one.
What do you call a lion playing golf?
Roarin' Mcllroy
Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up?
Because he walked into the wrong club!
What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana?
Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver!
Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon?
Because it would interrupt their tea time.
What does a golfer do on his day off?
Putter Around.
What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer?
Everyday I'm Schauffele.
Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores?
Because subtraction speaks louder than words.
What did the duck say to the golf ball?
Nothing it should have ducked.
What kind of model is Paige Spiranac?
A hole in one of a kind model.
Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife?
Because he thought every day he needed to play around.
What did the golfer say after performing yoga?
"Damn, my shaft is all bent."
What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies?
After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course?
She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one.
What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation?
You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will
happen again!
Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five.
Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve.
"There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino
"Golf is my profession. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope
"You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember
when we were married," said the pouting wife.
"Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot
putt."
Which is the easiest golf stroke?
The fourth putt!
How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer?
He's the one getting his balls cleaned.
Choose
A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf
clubs.
Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I
had to choose, right ?"