Fencing Jokes
What do you call an American fencing champion?
An Immigrant.
Let's go fencing because all other sports are pointless.
What do you call a Hungarian foil fencer?
A French wannabe.
What is a French foil fencers favorite whine?
"I can't beat Italians."
What do you call a Russian male foil fencer with a gold medal?
A thief.
What does the smartest sabre fencer and a bottle of beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
What should you do if you find three sabre fencers buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.
I got 99 problems but a fleche ain't one.
Fencers don't mess around, they get straight to the point.
Nothing is more humiliating then your fencing opponent marking you with a Z.
Keep Calm and Go Fencing.
The woman with a sabre is always right.
I got into a fight with a foil fencer, it's still kind of a sore subject.
Fencing Jokes....What's the point?
Fencing Dictionary
Abstain: French for "so sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
Advance: Forward motion made by male fencers toward female fencers, usually resulting in a three-yard penalty, a red card, and a slap across the face.
Allez: Place to go (alley) for a cigarette in the middle of a tournament
Attack in Preparation: When you sneak up and hit your opponent while they're still putting on their uniform.
Ballestra: Male ballet dancer.
Barrage: Shelling your opponent with cannon fire from several miles away.
Beat: How you feel after fencing or what foilists never lose.
Change of Engagement: Picking a new fiancee.
Corps-a-corps: French for "full contact fencing."
Coupe: Little foreign car fencers tend to drive.
Croise: A French pastry.
Derobement: The Houdini-like motions required by fencers to escape their straightjacket-like fencing uniforms.
Disengage: Getting rid of your fiancee, usually by fencing too much.
Dry Fencing: Fencing without alcohol
En Garde: French for "On Guard," a paranoid state in which the fencer believes everyone is out to get him.
Engagement: What happens after male and female fencers train together
Envelopment: What fencing does to people who just want to "try it once"
Feeble: What old fencers eventually become.
Feint: What happens after a fencer gets their credit card bill from a tournament weekend
FIE: A curse given in Old English.
Fleche: Is all bruised after a few bouts.
Foible: The mistake you make that lets your opponent get a hit.
Foil: What you are trying to do to your opponent
Forte: The cost of a new foil or a sabre
French Grip: The fencers secret handshake
Guard: What you have to do at tournaments so your teammates don't "borrow" all your food.
Lame: Fencing slang for a non-fencer
Off-piste: How you feel when your expensive equipment starts failing
One-Two: Basic fencing dance step. Followed by "Cha-Cha-Cha."
Overlay: What the fourth person in the back of the Fiesta has to do
Passe: The practice of catching a sabre in your hand so you can look cool
Phrase: When fencers manage to string words together rather than grunting monosyllabically
Piste: How you end a tournament. Or start it, in some cases
Pistol Grip: What you want to grab when you loose a 14-14 D.E. on a questionable call
Plaque: A condition caused by a lack of dental hygiene.
Pommel: Beating your opponent senseless with the hilt of your weapon, for sabre fencers only.
Principle of Defense: De grass is always greener on de other side
Quarte: A measure of liquid
Quinte: Something you should never call a woman when she's holding a foil...
Redoublement: Pause during the bout for a fencer to take another breath mint
Replacement: What you have to purchase at the Paul stand when your last body wire fails.
Right-of-Way: That driving law you may need to ignore to make it to the tournament on time
Score: What male fencers try to do with female fencers after the tournament.
Second Intention: What you need to come up with when your first attack fails miserably
Steam fencing: Fencing in a sauna
Taking the blade: The act of stealing your competitors weapon so he doesn't embarrass you in front of your friends & family
Tempo: Usually moderato, but faster on the rocky bits and the middle eight.
Thrust: What Zorro does after seducing a woman
Three Fencers
Three male fencers (one of each discipline) participated in a group wedding to save money, but they all had different approaches once they retired to their respective honeymoon suites.
The foilist turned on two lights (one of them red, one of them white) for the mood and slowly aproached his wife in bed, and accelerated at the last moment.
The saber fencer only left on a red light, threw his wife down on the bed and jumped on top screaming.
The epeeist left the lights off, donned his protective gear, waited for his wife to initiate contact, and at the last second touched her first.
Then, he wondered why the light didn't come on and demanded a third party check his equipment.