Chelsea Jokes

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!

Q: What do you call a dead Chelsea Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.

Q: What do you say to a Chelsea supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo

Q: What do you call an Chelsea fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Chelsea Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Chelsea Fan. Twice.

Q: What is the difference between Chelsea and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!

Q: What do you call an Chelsea fan in a suit?
A: The accused.

Q: Why did God make Chelsea supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!

Q: Why don't they drink tea at Stamford Bridge?
A: Because all the cups are in Manchester.

Q: Why can't Chelsea forwards score any more goals?
A: I haven't got a Kalou.

Q: Why do Chelsea blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Manchester!

Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Chelsea?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Q: What do you call 5 Chelsea fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why are Chelsea strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Chelsea tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Chelsea tickets.

Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Chelsea striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!

Q: Why do Chelsea fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.

Q: What does a fine wine and Chelsea have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Chelsea fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: Whats the difference between Chelsea and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: What is the difference between an Chelsea supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What do I have in common with Chelsea?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television.

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Chelsea fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: How do you casterate an Chelsea supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What does a Chelsea fan do when his team has won the Champions League?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.

Q: What does an Chelsea supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you keep an Chelsea fan from masterbating?
A: You paint Red Devils on his dick and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Stamford Bridge upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Did you hear that Chelsea doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How do you stop a Chelsea supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in an Arsenal jersey!

Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Chelsea supporters can get laid too.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Chelsea supporter!

Q: What's the difference between onions and a Chelsea supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...

Q: What's the difference between Chelsea supporters and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Q: Why are Chelsea jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Chelsea supporters have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Chelsea supporters.

I set my XBOX password to "Chelsea's Defense". It said it was to weak.

Why did Stamford bridge fall down Because Liverpool knocked it down

Career Day
It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Chelsea.'

Reckless Driver
A Liverpool fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Chelsea supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Chelsea jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw an Chelsea supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Chelsea supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Chelsea supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Chelsea supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a Chelsea supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Chelsea fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Liverpool supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Liverpool supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Liverpool supporters, and I'm a Liverpool fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Chelsea supporter."

Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Fernando "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Fernando. The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

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