Great Quotes Joke
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire
relationships.
-
Sharon Stone
I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm
about to be devoured
by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- Axl Rose
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
don't like
and just give her a house.
- Rod Stewart
Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.
Carmen Boyle, Olympic luge
gold medal winner
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane. Either
you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.
- Henry Kissinger
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with
"Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid >
problem?"
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can
fake that, you're in.
- Courteney Cox, as Monica on "Friends"
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport
for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
- Tiger Woods
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
- Barbara Bush
And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
everything on me.
And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on
Satan."
-George Burns
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men
everywhere? "Hold my
purse."
- Sandra Bullock
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a
bitch.
- Jack Nicholson
My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what
she's reading.
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
Things you'll never hear a woman say: "My, what an
attractive scrotum!"
- Patricia Arquette
Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out
a man's
genitals through his wallet.
- Robin Williams
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a
place.
- Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just
grateful.
- Robert De Niro
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the
Wonder Bra. Is
that really a problem in this country - men not paying enough
attention to
women's breasts?
- Hugh Grant
- There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, "I
know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
- Jerry Seinfield
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a
penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time.
- Robin Williams