Great Quotes Joke

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire
           - Sharon  Stone

  I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm  about to be devoured
by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
     - Axl Rose

  Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house.
   - Rod Stewart

  Luge strategy?  Lie flat and try not to die.  Carmen  Boyle, Olympic luge
gold medal winner

 There are only two reasons  to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either
you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.
    - Henry  Kissinger

 I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with  "Guess" on it.  I said, "Thyroid >
   -Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Honesty is the  key to a relationship.  If you can fake that, you're in.
   - Courteney Cox, as Monica on "Friends"

  Hockey is a sport for white men.  Basketball is a sport  for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
   - Tiger Woods

   Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral  sex, no matter how bad it is.
   - Barbara Bush

  And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me.
And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
   -George Burns

  What are the three words  guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my
   - Sandra Bullock

 My mother  never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
    - Jack Nicholson

 My girlfriend  always laughs during sex no matter what she's reading.
    - Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

 Things you'll never hear a woman say: "My, what an  attractive scrotum!"
     - Patricia Arquette

 Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out  a man's
genitals through his wallet.
    -  Robin Williams

 Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need  a place.
   - Billy Crystal

 According to a new survey, women say they feel more  comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front  of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of  course, men are just grateful.
     - Robert De  Niro

  In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the  Wonder Bra.  Is
that really a problem in this country - men  not paying enough attention to
women's breasts?
   -  Hugh Grant

 - There's very little advice in men's magazines,  because men think, "I
know what I'm doing.  Just show me somebody  naked."
   - Jerry Seinfield

  See, the  problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time.
   - Robin Williams

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