1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10) To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ
14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car.
15) God must love stupid people, he made so many.
16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
17) It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
21) CAT ~ The Other White Meat!
22) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
23) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes!