Virgin Mary Jokes
Before having sex, a young woman prays:
"Virgin Mary, you who conceived without sin, make me sin without conceiving."
Why couldn't the Virgin Mary sleep?
Because Jesus cries (christ).
Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
What did Mary, mother of christ drink?
Virgini-tea.
Virgin Mother
One Sunday in church the priest told the ladies.
If you know you are virgin you stand up.
A blonde lady carrying a baby stood up and everyone laughed.
But the lady in tears said "It's not me. It's my baby."
I'm Gonna Jump
In New York City, a man is going to jump off the building.
Up rushes good Irish cop to talk him down.
Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father"
Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."
The copy goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."
Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of the Blessed Virgin"
Man replies "Who is that?"
Cop yells "Jump, Protestant! You're blocking traffic!"
Divorced Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their
wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been
married five times?"
"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process
but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art
method.
Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to
position it.
Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk
about it.
Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss
him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good,"
said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know
I'm gonna get screwed!"