Hinduism Jokes
So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback.
Q: Why did the Hindu cross the road?
A: Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN!
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Hindu beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
I watched the Hindu version of How I Met Your Mother...
There's just one episode about the wedding.
Q: What's the best way to keep milk fresh?
A: Leave it in the cow!
Q: What did the Hindu say to the swiss cheese?
A: "I'm holier than you"
Q: Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain?
A: He's got no beef.
Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
A: You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime.
Q: Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation?
A: It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM!
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
This Hindu girl from my school said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
I think my black friend is a Hindu. Whenever I see him, he always has a large cucumber in his front pocket.
Is a rivalry between two Hindus still called a beef?
How do Hindu women know when a sniper laser is pointing at their heads?
Vegetarian is derived from the hindu word for "bad hunter".
Hey Hindus, My food literally shits on your food.
Dear Hindus, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
Can Hindus eat animal crackers?
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
My karma ran over my dogma....
Knock knock
Knock knock
Who's there?
Yoga
Yoga who?
Yoga to try this, it feels amazing.
Meditation
Two Hindus meet on the street.
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other ones replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I dont know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"
Hindu Pizza
An American businessman goes to India on a business trip, but he hates Indian food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."
Two Accountants
One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street.
One was a Hindu and constantly berated the other for eating meat!
After stopping for a hot dog, the Hindu erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"
The American replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"
As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the Hindu over.
The American called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.
The injured Hindu was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
He told the uninjured American, "I have good news, and I have bad news.
The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
Two Boys
A Catholic boy and a Hindu boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Krishna."
The Hindu boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."
Religious Shit
Taoism
Shit happens.
Buddhism
If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Catholicism
Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism
Send more shit.
Atheism
No shit.
Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism
What is shit anyway?
Stoicism
This shit doesn't bother me.