Buddhist Jokes

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback.

Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
A: You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime.

Q. What did the Buddhist say to the sandwich vendor at the ball game?
A. Make me one with everything!

After the man received his sandwich, he gave the vendor a $20 bill. The vendor just smiled. The
man, infuriated, demanded, "Where is my change."
The vendor replied, "O, one with everything, change comes from within."

Q. What did the Buddhist tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners?
A. Too many attachments!

Q: Did you hear about the new low-fat religion?
A: "I Cant Believe Its Not Buddha"

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

Q. What did the sign in the monastery searching for new monks say?
A. Inquire within!

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

The Master: I've never met someone so thoughtless in my life. Keep up the good work.
The desciple: Thank you Master

I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.

I hear the Dalai Lama recently fired his gardener, who had a degree in carnations but didn't dig reincarnations.

My karma ran over my dogma....

Two men meet on the street.
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other ones replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I dont know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

Wise Teacher
One zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."
The second said, "My teacher has so much self control, he can go days without sleep."
The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

Two Boys
A Catholic boy and a Buddhist boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Buddha."
The Buddhist boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

A Catholic and a Buddhist were on a quarrel on whose God is more powerful. The Catholic said mine is powerful, the Buddhist said, no, mine is powerful. They decided to jump on a high building and the one with a powerful God will hit the ground alive. Buddhist jumps and calls Buddha. Buddha, Buddha, Buddha. Hit the ground and lives. The Catholic jumps and calls Jesus. Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. When he nears the ground and sees nothing is happening, he decided to call on Buddha, Buddha, Buddha help help. He hits the ground dead.

Moral of the story. Have Faith.

Religious Shit

Shit happens.

If shit happens, it's not really shit.

If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Why does this shit always happen to us?

This shit happened before.

Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism
Send more shit.

No shit.

Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.

There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.

Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Let's smoke this shit.

What is shit anyway?

This shit doesn't bother me.

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