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Republican Jokes


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Q: When is it okay for Republicans to engage in group sex and drug use?
A: After they decide to run for Governor of California

Q: If Ted Haggard isn't a George Bush Republican, what kind of republican is he?
A: A George Michael Republican!

Q: Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections?
A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!

Q: Why should Creationism be taught in schools?
A: Because it leaves less time to teach Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer

Q: Why is trade with comunnist Cuba bad?
A: Because it lowers our trade potential with China and Vietnam

Q: What do you call a Republican who wants insurance to cover Viagra but not birth control?
A: Motherfucker

Q: What do Republicans and porn stars have in common?
A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.

Q: How do you fight the war on terror?
A: By belittling our long-time allies, then demanding their cooperation and money

Q: Why is it bad when the Republicans control the House, the Senate, Supreme Court, the White House?
A: Because they only have themselves to blame

Q: What does Anna Nicole Smith call Strom Thurmond?
A: The Bachelor

Q: Why won't Barack Obama be celebrating his 51st birthday?
A: Republicans won't let Democrats raise taxes on the rich let alone Barack Obama's age!

Q: What's the Republican's secret Weapon for the 2006 Mid-term Elections?
A: John Kerry! ...(he insulted the troops)

Q: Why did Elizabeth Dole consider running for the Senate?
A: To get away from Bob and his little blue pills!

Q: What did Bob Dole say after appearing in a Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears?
A: If this won't cure erectile dysfunction....nothing will

Q: Why are gay Saudis a big dilemma for Republicans?
A: Because their gays with oil

Q: What's worse than Bill Clinton calling you a womanizer?
A: Marc Foley calling you a pervert!

Q: Is lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die an impeachable offense?
A: Nooooo!!!!.....But lying about an extramarital affair is!

Q: When was Saddamm a good guy?
A1: When Reagan armed him!
A2. After George Sr went to war with him
A3. While Cheney was doing business with him
A4: When Dubya needed a "We can't find Bin Laden" diversion

Q: What does "Standing Tall for America" mean?
A: Firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

Q: There is a Red House on the right and blue house on the left where is the White House?
A: in Washington DC

Q: How does a Democrat get killed in Texas?
A: When driving around in a car with a bumper sticker saying "I voted for Kerry, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns."

If pro is the oppisite of con then is progress the opposite of congress?

Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?
Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'.



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