Sexual Pick Up Lines

My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?

Hi, i'm a burgular... and I'm gonna smash your back door in!

You can call me "The Fireman"....mainly because I turn the hoes on!

I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

I'm a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?

"Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later."

I heard you got a boyfriend,
but girl don't try & pretend,
like you don't want this dick all the way in.

Are you a doctor? Cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction.

I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.

Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand.

Hi, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Let's have sex inside my car.

I'm going to have sex with you later, so you might as well be there!

You run track?, cause I heard you relay want this dick.

Are u a flight attendant? Coz u gonna be plane wth this dick soon.

Do you need a medic? Cause my dick is hard for you

Babe, are you an elevator? Because i want to go down on you.

I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.

Baby, i'm not your cell phone, but I still want to be touched by you every day.

If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?

I heard your grades are bad.....I'm sure this D won't hurt.

Gurl, you so fine that I should call the doctor if I DON'T have an erection for 4 hours.

I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear

Can I park my car in your garage? It's pretty big, but it doesn't leak.

Do you like to draw? (yeah why?) Cause I put the D in Raw

Boy: Do you wanna be my SLUT?
Girl: WHAT!
Boy: Do you even know what slut stands for?
Boy: (S)weet (L)ittle (U)nforgetable (T)hing

Well spread my cheeks and call me ‘cell bitch;' you're prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!

What if I start this relationship with you as a frien. Will you allow me to give you the 'D' later?

Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.

I know you haven't been studying, You must want the "D"

"If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you."

I'd hide every chair in the world just so you'd have to sit on my face.

Oh my god girl, look at how those legs go up and make an ass out of themselves.

Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, 'cause Imma tape this dick to your forehead so you CDs nuts

Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where MY BALLZ drop dead in your mouth

I'm not a dick in real life, but I'll play one in your vagina tonight!

Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.

There are so many things you can do with the mouth why waste it on talking?

Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?

Does your pussy smell like fish because I like sushi

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.

Are you an architect, cause I want you on staff for my next erection.

Are you fertilizer, cause you just made me grow 6 inches.

Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!

I would tell you a joke about my penis....buts its too long ;)

Does your ass have a number because its calling me.

I forgot my blow job at your house, can i come over and get it?

If i was a ballon, would you blow me.

This Dick a rental car company.....It Hertz

We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.

Do you like Imagine Dragons? Well Imagine Dragon my balls across your face.

How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable... Like your vagina.

You know what cums after C....The D!

I'm going to make you breakfast...Omellete you suck this dick.

I've got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?

Roses or daises? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

So hey you want to come to this Party? Yes ok then climb up my pant leg and HAVE A BALL.

Do you like Alphabet soup...Cause you gonna be choking on the D

I'm no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you

They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put my dick in your ass!

Do you like cherries? If not can I have yours?

Is your name Autumn, cause I'd fuck you so hard all your leaves will fall off.

I like my women, like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers

Your beauty is why God invented eye balls, your booty is why God invented my balls.

Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I'll shove a tic tac up your pussy and try to give you 3 O's in a row.

I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I'm kinda hoping you're a slut!

Roses are red, violets are blue, we're having sex, cause I'm stronger than you

My dick is like catnip, it'll make a cougar like you go wild.

I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up

I'd treat you like a snow storm. Give you six to eight inches and make it mildly inconvenient for you to move in the morning.

My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?

Hey baby, I'm kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.

If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?

Wanna Job? It Blows!

The names Dick, can I put it in you?

Yeah. I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?

Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say "Are you gonna eat that?"

Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sun glasses, one leg over each ear.

Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.

My penis is like a dictonary want me to blow your mind?

So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight?

Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.

Those boobs look very heavy... can I hold them for you?

Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess ur weight and i'll eat the difference

Do you like chocolate, cause your gonna choke alot on this dick

How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!

That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!

If your ass was snow, I'd plow it.

You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.

Is it your birthday?, because icing isn't the only thing I'll be smearing all over face your face tonight.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Do you like warm weather? Cause I'm gonna put my warm balls on your face weather you like it or not

Come here or my dick will start CUMING for you!

You need something to shut that big mouth of yours!

Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!

What's the biggest moving musle in a womens body. My cock!

You Need Directions?...Well First you gotta take this D-tour.

Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch penis; I'd never shortchange myself like that!

I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

Lets play can be the door so I can slam you all I want!

The word for tonight is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word?

Do you like Jalapenos?...Because in a minute imma be jalapeno pussy.

Hi, you can call me Spider-Man cause i'll shoot my white stuff all over you.

Why pay $5 when you can't get this footling for free.

Do you handle chickens because you look like you'd be good with cocks.

Roses are red and they are thorny, whenever I see you.. it makes me horny!

I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.

My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string

So, you're not into casual sex? Fine, I'll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.

Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.

Are you a racehorse? Cause when I ride you'll always finish first.

Gurl, is your ass a library book?, cause I can't stop checking it out.

Having sex is a lot like golf. I'm always happy when I get a hole in one.

Baby your bone structure is giving my "bone" structure.

Hey, lets play farmer, You be the farmland, I'll plant the seed.

Do you like dragons? Cause in a minute I'll be dragon my balls across your face

I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?

Gurl, you make me wanna dive in the sea..... dat pus-sea.

Do you have pet insurance? No?.... Cause I'm going destroy your pussy.

Do you like Krispy Kreme, cause I'm gonna glaze your donut.

Are you a Jehovah's Witness? Cause I'm about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this dick.

I'm an interior decorator. I can fill your interior; I see something big and pink.

Wanna make like scarface and say hello to my little friend

Hi! can i stir your drink, mind if i use my dick?

Are you a cowgirl cause I can see you riding me

Do you have pet insurance? because im gonna destroy your pussy.

What do you call a penguin with a large penis? An icebreaker.

Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.

As long as you need a place to sit, you'll always have my face.

Roses are red, violets are blue, what will it take to Snapchat your boobs.

They call me the Delivery Man, cause I always come in the back door

Legs like that should be wrapped around my neck.

Beauty is only skin deep; a huge cock goes much deeper.

Have this flower before I take yours

Do you like duck meat? Then duck down here and get some meat.

I hope your a plumber, cause you got my pipe leaking.

Your Ass Looks Nice, does it need servicing cause I got a wrench and some screws just for you.

Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!

My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

Do you know Phillis Brown? Cause in a minute you gonna phil-this brown dick

Is Pussy Lips one word? Cause I'm gonna spread them tonight

Do you like trampolines, cause I got something for you to bounce up and down on.

My Cock Is Like Pizza Hut, If You Don't Eat It All, You Can Pack It Up And Finish It Off At Home

Do you like Sea World, because your about to be in my splash zone

You got the three things that I want in a woman, Big nips hips and lips.

"Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place"

I call my dick the truth because bitches can't handle it

(Looking at a girls ass) Where does this bus go anyway?

Let's play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!

You know I live a Magnum Lifestyle

Were you conceived on a sofa? Cause you are sofacking fine.

Do you know who wants to beat your ass? My nuts.

Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.

Do you like yoga? Cause yoganna love this dick

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

Do you have a map, because I want to find my way into your pants.

Hey since I lifted your spirits, how about you lift up your shirt.

I like my women like I like my coffee, full of cream.

I hope you have a sewing machine, cause im gonna tear dat ass up

Is your mom the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.

I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south?

Would you like to watch a porno on my 60 inch mirror?

I'm studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pussy?

You don't want to have sex on your period? I don't mind a little ketchup on the hot dog as long as the bun is tight.

Come in the house and take off ur coat, open ur mouth and let me coat the back of that throat!

"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?" (pull your pockets inside out) "Would you like to?"

Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.

Boy: There are 20 letters in the alphabet right?
Girl: (26, I think)
Boy: I must have forgotten U R A Q T
Girl: (Your still missing one)
Boy: I'll give you the D later

Guy: What's the difference between your panties in the day, and in the night?
Girl: I don't know, what?
Guy: During the day, they're on you... But in the night, they're on my floor...

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