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Funny Pick Up Lines


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Girl, your so hot my zipper is falling for you! (make her look)

I grew up during the sixties, with the peace and love generation. If I canít get some love, Iíd like to get a piece.

On my last date, we played strip poker. We stripped, and I poked her.

I just got out of Leavenworth. Can I steal you a drink? How about a BMW?

Are you a campfire? Cause you're hot and I want s'more

We're not socks. But I think we'd make a great pair.

So we're friends now, when do the benefits kick in?

I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?

Keep calm and take your pants off.

If your feeling down, can I feel you up?

I'm not staring at your boobs, I'm staring at your heart.

Hey Baby, I just paid off this mustache, want to take it for a ride?

Guess what I'm wearing? The smile you gave me

Gurl, I'd fake blindness just to touch you inappropriately.

How about you and I go into that darkroom over there and see what develops

I must be allergic to nuts, but there's no way you are.

"Smile if you want to sleep with me." (And watch them try to hold back their laugh.)

"You see that door over there? Letís go out."

You don't need a bodyguard, you need a 'bootyguard'

Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."

I know hello in 6 different languages, which one do you want me to tell you tomorrow?

Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: Do you want a fuck... (wait for a second for her reaction)...ing drink?

What do you do for a living? Iím a proctologist; the sign on my office door says Ďpark in rear.í

Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!

You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.

You baby gimme your number before I don't want it no more

Are you Stacey's mom? Cause, you've got it going on.

Mami you on fire...Le'me be the wind and make you even hotter.

Your eyes are as brown as the Hudson river

I'm hot, can I take your pants off.

You stole my heart, so can I steal your last name?

I find your lack of nudity disturbing

You remind me of my appendix. I don't know you, but something inside me is saying I should take you out.

Itís a good thing I wore my gloves today; otherwise, youíd be too hot to handle.

Do you have a New Year's Resolution? I'm looking at mine right now. Let's ring in the New Year with a bang!

You must work in a library because you just increased my circulation!

Well if I were a painter, I'd put you down in paint. I'd hang you by the Mona Lisa and put that girl to shame.

Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?

Omelette you in on a secret. You and I would brie perfectly gouda. Life would be feta if we were togetha. We'll be grate.

I like Legos, you like Legos, why don't we build a relationship?

Girl are you my new Phone? Cause I can't stop staring at you in public.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is taking up a lot of room.

If I were a tractor and you were a plow, I would definitely hook up with you.

Didnít I see you in Girls Gone Wild?

If I'm a pain in your ass, then we can just add more lubricant.

Hey Girl If you were a book then I wouldn't be able to read you, cause your print is so fine.

Are you the dub to my step? causeí I wub wub wub you

One, two, three, four, I declare a tongue war.

Do you like pirates? Cause I got a lot of seamen that wanna meet ya. Yaharrrr

You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.

90% of my game is corny pick up lines and the other 10 is awkward stares

I might not be Mormon, but I'm MoreMan that you've ever seen.

I'm French Horny for your tromboner.

"My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"

I am a love pirate. I like your boooty arrrgh

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, give me some head while I'm taking a poo.

Are you a drug, cause I marijuana take you home with me tonight.

How about your red phosphorus coating and my short stick get together? Cuz its obvious we're a match.

Hey let's play carpenter, first we get hammered, I get some wood, and then I nail you.

Your belly button is in the wrong place! It should be on top on mine!

"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super."

Baby, you've bought yourself a cruise on the Love Boat. I'll be your captain.

I spilled skittles down my pants. Do you want to taste the rainbow?

Are you a thrift shop? Cuz yo tags aren't the only thing I'll be popping.

How about I teach you about firefighting by letting you slide down my pole

Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

You are young and fun-loving, that gives you 10 points. Then you are blonde, that gives you five points. At 20 points you get my phone number.

You look a bit tired. Getting laid would do wonders for your complexion."

Did you get those pants on sale? (Why?) Because at my house they would be 100% off!

I call my dick Notorious, cause it's B.I.G.

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

Hi, I'm a birdwatcher and I'm looking for a Big-Breasted Bed thrasher, Do you know where i can find one?

It's a celebration bitches! Now show Rick James your titi's!

"Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after."

Is your name Rapunzel, cause I need a girl who never leaves the bedroom and constantly wants me to pull her hair.

Have you ever milked a cow before? cause your gonna need a bucket for this too.

(Girl coming out of a bar): "Hi, I think I am gonna be the last guy to ask for your phone number today".

I'm like a celebrity going to a party, I always make a big entrance and I never cum early.

"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?" (pull your pockets inside out) "Would you like to?"

Hell yeah I'm a dick...I'm addicted to you.

I heard you like bonfires, well I'll supply the wood.

I'll be wiz khalifa and you can be my joint.

My wife doesnít understand me.

You remind me of my little toe! (Why, is it because I'm small and cute?) Nope, because I'm probably going to bang you on my coffee table when I'm drunk.

"Your dad must not have a penis. He's got a paintbrush!"

Me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, ASentenceWithoutSpaces.

If you were a Pirate would your parrot be on this sholder (hand on closer sholder) or this sholder? (arm around her with hand on other sholder)

"Are you here alone, or will someone have to retain your affections over my dead body?"

I hear you like Bolts, well let me teach you how to screw

"You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer."


Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

Hey you looking for a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD all I need is U

"You wanna go skinny dipping... in my water bed?"

Are you a drum? cause i'd bang you

"I want to tell you your fortune." Take her hand and write your phone number on it. "There's your future."

Do you like to bake? (Yes.) Iíd love to feel your hot-cross buns.

Do you know the best way to stop back pain and lose 20 pounds? Get a penis reduction; it worked for me!

Is your dad a lumber jack because every time I look at you i get a wood in my pants.

I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.

Sex is a killer...want to die happy?

Good news, the test results are negative!

Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.

You wanna see a donkey show?

Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

Those are nice legs. do they come over easy?

I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

Did you sleep in a garbage can last night? Because you are looking trashy!

I may be hung like a tic-tac, but I'll leave your breath minty fresh!

I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.

Is your dad a donkey? Cause you have a great ass!

If your were a stamp, I'd lick your backside and send you to funkytown.

"I'm lookin' for a girl like my mother. She knew her place. But in a good way."

If you were a drug, I would overdose!

Baby I last longer than a white crayon.

"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."

Nothing lasts forever... Can you be my nothing?

I got arrested the other day. [For what?] For having two guns and a six pack.

"You know, sometimes it's nice flirting with your eyes accross the room for hours. But today ain't one of those times. Now what's your name?"

Did you just fart? Shes says (No) "Well you just blew me away"!

I need a dollar but I only have 90 cents...... do you want to be my dime?

Do your parents compose classical music? Cause baby got Bach!

I wish I were cross-eyed so I can see you twice

I have a dirty weekend planned. Do you know what Iím going to do? Three loads of laundry.

My favorite singer is Mick Jagger. He canít get no satisfaction, and neither can I. Want to help me change that?

Did I tell you Iím filthy rich and my motherís dead?

I have the "I", I have the "L", I have the "O", I have the "V", I have the "E", so, can I have "U"?

I advise you to surrender immediately, or I'll have to use a pick up line.

Excuse me, My name is Ben Dover (bend over). Would you like to meet my friend Master Bates (masturbates)? Or should I do it for you?

I havenít seen my ex-wife for over ten years. Nobody else has either; Iíll never tell.

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

If you come home with me, we can do whatever we want Ė as long as we donít wake up my mom.

Roses are Red Violets are Blue, How about I put this D inside of you

People say I remind them of a cute teddy bear; I weigh 300 pounds, Iím really hairy, and I sleep all winter.

People keep telling me that Iím overweight. Just because I buy my underwear in the extra-large equator size doesnít mean Iím overweight Ė does it?

Would you like a gin and platonic or a Scotch and sofa?

Are you a candle ?
(if no) Good because I'd get real sad once that fire goes out.
(if yes) I wanna drip my wick on you.

If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I?m only a cartoonist!

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