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Stewart Francis Jokes

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Stewart Francis Stand Up Jokes

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

"I dedicate this show to my dad who was a roofer. So dad, if you're up there...."

"I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice."

"I wrote a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment. It's called Man or Myth."

"I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic and I won't take no for an answer."

"There are two types of people I hate .... racists and Norwegians."

"Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down."

"Don't Worry I haven't heard of you either!"

"Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me"

"I went to a Karaoke Bar last night that didn't play any 70s music, at first I was afriad, oh I was petrified"

"My grandmother whose addicted to tea, hates the way I say thingssssss(to the sound of a tea kettle)"

"My dad has a wierd hobby he collects empty bottles, which sounds so much better than alcoholic"

"I have a girlfriend, I've been going out with my girlfriend!"

"My girlfriend say's that I'm afraid of committment....well she's not my girlfriend...more a wife"

"My wife and I have decided we don't want any children if anybody else does we can drop them off tomorrow"

"We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom, in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow"
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