Rodney Rude Stand Up Jokes
I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'
Difference between a twelve inch cock and a onion? Nothin they both bring tears to your eyes.
I met this really ugly lesbian in a tent and she couldn't get any girls in with her cause she was really ugly. I looked at her and got a soft on. She was really ugly. How ugly was she? She was so ugly she had a job at the cake shop to push your face in the dirt to make gorilla biscuits. She was so ugly if you woke up in a motel room with her and your arm was around her head, just so you wouldn't wake her up, you'd chew your own arm off. Dingo Ugly.
Filled up 3 big McDonalds garbage bins, with the shit out of our truck..the manager walks out and goes "What do you think your doing?"
I say were putting McRubbish in ya fuckin McBin right. Thats what McWere been doin. And as soon as we McFinish, me and the McGravys are going to go down into your nice McToilets and were going to pump a big McShit in there. Were gonna give back a couple of McNuggets you Mcfuck.
I hit this prick so fuckin hard, his crutches went everywhere, and ripped his hearing aid right out of fuckin head, and the shit squirted out of colonoscopy sack....and the next day I went to the hospital and ripped his life support out.
2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My wife's an epileptic'
I was sitting in McDonalds there the other day, eating a big McFeast, i look over me shoulder, whose sitting there? Pauline Hanson!
I said the manager. mc manager, mc bloody well mc get over here! whats this woman doing here? Youve already get one red headed clown!