Lee Mack Stand Up Jokes
Two blind fellows walk into a wall.
Drinking and driving is safer than either drinking or driving - and no one has ever died drinking, driving and juggling.
They Think It's all Over after he took over as host:
"They did 19 series and then I did one and they cancelled it."
I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died. 'What are you doing here with that hammer?'
"My dad, kind of bloke could read out a telephone directory and It'd be funny...to be fair, he used to do it with his cock out."
"My wife, shes carrying our first child...he's 8, the lazy little fucker!"
"I'm in a relationship at the moment...sorry girls...it's going to have to be your place."
I`ve got two children. To be honest I always wanted 3 children. Now I`ve got two, I only want one.
I was told by the doctor that I was infertile and I couldn't have children, 3 weeks after that he told me that my girlfriend was pregnant....who's the daddy?
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!