Bob Saget Jokes

Bob Saget Stand Up Jokes

I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy. They're both in my car and I want you to see them.

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

Dave Coulter from Full House shaves his balls, tell your friends, tell everybody, tell the world!

Stop It, Stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person. Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.

I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

Central Comedy Roast Of Bob Saget

Bob Saget: Norm is such a horrible gambler, he bet Jon Lovitz would be funny tonight.

Bob Saget: Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

Bob Saget: Norm MacDonald. Norm, you're the funniest man I know. Because these are the other people that I know.

Bob Saget: Even John's dick has a great hairline.
Bob Saget: On "Full House," John's dick had a mullet.

Bob Saget Movie Quotes

Half Baked

Cocaine Addict (Bob Saget): Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?

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