The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
A dropped wrench will always end up exactly 1/2 inch beyond your reach.