"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddy's, and kids with fake IDs."
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got there.'"
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time.Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether youwin or lose: it's how drunk you get."
"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go inevery day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"