New Words for the Next Century ...... Joke

ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

FLIGHT RISK - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning
to leave a company or department soon.

GOOD JOB - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in
order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they
are solvent again.

IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials
were a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury
testimony is another.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE -The fine art of whacking the heck out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a
vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the
number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number
and ask the operator for assistance." *(Syn: decruitment.)

VULCAN NERVE PINCH -The taxing hand position required to reach all
the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm
re-boot for Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the
Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On Key.

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal,
"We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."

SALMON DAY -The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed and die in the end.

CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-
advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.

ADMINISPHERE -The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems
they were designed to solve.

SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps
on everything, and then leaves.

MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.

SITCOMs - (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What
Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops
working to stay home with the kids.

STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce
with no kids, no property, and no regrets.

STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out
and whiny.

SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person
in an office or work group.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

EGO SURFING: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on,
looking for references to one's own name.

IDIA HAMSTERS: People who always have their idea generators running.

Joke Generators: