1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
5. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you're not getting any.
6. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
9. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either!
10. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
11. Some days you are the bug, and some days you are the windshield.
12. Don't worry. It's only seems kinky the first time.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Don't squat with spurs on.
15. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
16. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from
17. Never miss a chance to shut up.
18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is
19. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
20. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have
21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
22. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.