Back to: More Single Liners
If Men TRULY Ran The World
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A
smack to the ass and a "Nice
hustle, you'll get'em next
time" would pretty much do it.
2.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to
February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years.
4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your
shadow, you'd get the day off to
go drinking. Mother's
Day too.
5. St. Patrick's Day,
however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every
month.
6. Garbage would take itself
out.
7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be
chained to a cement mixer and pushed
off the Golden Gate
Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event
in
world history.
8. The only show opposite "Monday Night
Football" would be "Monday Night
Football from a
Different Camera Angle".
9. Instead of
"beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
11. Two words..."Ally McNaked".
12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer
you responded
with would
actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you
were going?" You: "All I know is,
I was spilling my beer all over the
place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
13. People would never talk about how
fresh they felt.
14. Daisy Duke shorts
would never go out of style again.
15. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per
year.
16.
Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
17. It would be perfectly legal to steal
a sports car, as long as you
returned it the following
day with a full tank of gas.
18.
Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present
your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're
#1!".
19. When your girlfriend really
needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a
little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
20. Nodding and looking at your watch
would be deemed as an acceptable
response to "I love
you".
21. The funniest guy in the
office would get to be CEO.
22. "Sorry
I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an
acceptable excuse for tardiness.
23. At the end of the workday a whistle
would blow and you would jump
out of your window and
slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right
into
your car like Fred Flintstone.
24.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the
"public ugliness" ordinance.
25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was
your name again?" cards.
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