15 Ways Philip Morris is "Working to Make a Difference" Joke
15. Virginia Slims cigarette
paper now ribbed for her pleasure.
14. Quality programming for kids provided by new
"Nick-o-Teen"
cable network.
13. Hiring O.J. Simpson's detectives to find "the real
killers"
of smokers.
12. Launching of the Chinese "Joe Panda" campaign.
11. Buying up all existing copies
of "The Insider" and donating
them to deserving children
from Borneo and Tibet.
10.
"Marlboro Miles" can no longer be used to purchase Pokemon
products.
9. For every 1,000 cartons sold, 1 carton donated to the
American
Cancer Society.
8. "Benson & Hedges" brand renamed to more kid-friendly
"Calvin &
Hobbes."
7. For poor people who can't afford to eat *and* smoke,
free
cigarette included in Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
boxes.
6. New slogan:
"Cigarettes don't kill people - GUNS kill people!"
5. Considering a campaign to keep cigarettes out of the
hands of
pregnant mothers.
4. Investing millions in ad campaign: "A Big Mac?!
Christ,
that'll REALLY kill ya!"
3. Raleigh's new William Morris
Park paved with tar exhumed from
Yul Brynner's lungs.
2. Bribes for politicians now
wrapped in 100% recycled envelopes.
1. New ad campaign for 2000: "You don't have to smoke
just
because all the really cool kids do."