News Items From Around The World... Joke

1. When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire
at its intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California,
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder:
he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.

2.  Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama,
redefined the limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes
after surgery to restore his sight and said:
agreeably to his wife:
'Boy, you sure have got fat in four years.'

3.  The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and,
after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

4 . Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania,
were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly
leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave.
Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road,
where she was run over and killed by a passing car.

5. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked by killer bees
as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he leapt into the river -
and was devoured by piranha fish.

6 . A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from trees demonstrated
a pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt onto the shoulders
of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off.
The passer-by was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck.

7.  In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged with beating up
his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his toy pistol.

8. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her dead.

9. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979 was
'taste in clothing'

10. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

The stories from ER:
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

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