Trumpet Jokes

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.

Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?
A: King Kong is more sensitive.

Q: What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet?
A: A tooty fruity!

Q: What do you call an arrogant trumpet player?
A: A brass-hole.

Q: What do trumpet players and pirates have in common?
A: They're both murder on the high C's.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One.

Q: How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I'm better than you."

Q: What do you call a cow that plays the trumpet?
A: A moo-sician

Marriage is like playing the trumpet. It looks easy until you try it.

Q: What happens when you play the blues backwards?
A: You get your wife and job back.

Q: Did you hear the joke about blues music?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the trumpet player got hit by a car".

Q: What's the first thing a blues musician says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza!"

How do you make a million dollars playing the trumpet?
Start off with 2 million.

Q: How do you get a million dollars?
A: Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the trumpet.

Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
A: The doorbell shrieks!

Q: What is the perfect weight for a trumpet player?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.

Q: What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
A: Leave it in a trumpet case.

Q: Why do trumpeters leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the difference between a trumpeter and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a trumpeter.

Trumpeter: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

Q: What do all great trumpeters have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

Q: What do you call a successful trumpet player?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What's the difference between a trumpeter and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A trumpeter with a mortgage.

Q: What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What do you call a bunch of trumpeters in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: Did you hear about the trumpeter who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.

Q: What's the difference between a trumpet and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do you throw a drowning trumpeter?
A: His case.

Q: What's the difference between a trumpet and a horses rear end?
A: I don't know either.

I'm not one to blow my own trumpet, that's why they kicked me out of the brass band.

A B flat, a G flat, and an E flat walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we can't serve minors"

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the trumpet."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

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