Saxophone Jokes

Q: What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone?
A: A blues moo-sician

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

My son told me he wants to be blues musician so I decided it was time to have "the sax talk".

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: It's all in the grip.

Q: What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music?
A: The battle of the saxes.

Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
A: Vibrato.

Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?
A: Add vibrato.

Q: What do you call a cat playing an instrument?
A: A sax kitten.

You are in a room with Adolf Hitler, Kim Jong Un, and Kenny G. You have a gun with only 2 bullets, what do you do?
Shoot Kenny G twice.

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

Q: Did you hear about the beautiful girl who played the saxophone?
A: She was a sax goddess.

Q: What do you call a saxophone that dates another saxophone?
A: A homoSAXual!

Q: What happens when you play the blues backwards?
A: You get your wife and job back.

Q: What do you throw a drowning saxophonist?
A: His case.

Q: Did you hear the joke about jazz music?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the saxophonist got hit by a car".

Q: What's the first thing a saxaphonist says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza!"

How do you make a million dollars playing jazz?
Start off with 2 million.

Q: What is the perfect weight for a saxophonist?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.

A young child told his mother "When I grow up I'm going to be a saxophonist."
His mother responded "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What does a saxophone and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

Q: What do you call a bunch of saxophonists in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: Did you hear about the saxophonist who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.

Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
A: Leave it in a saxophone case.

Q: What do all great saxophonists have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: What do you call a successful saxophonist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What's the difference between a saxophonist and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A saxophonist with a mortgage.

Q: What does a saxophone and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: Why do saxophonists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the difference between a saxophonist and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a saxophonist.

Marriage is like playing the saxophone. It looks easy until you try it.

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about how much better Michael Brecker would have done it.

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the saxophone."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

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