Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse?
A: They are always longing for another stop.
Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning?
A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice.
Q: What do you get if you throw an organ down a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner.
Q: What do you get if you drop an organ on an army base?
A: A flat major.
Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?
A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff.
Q: What do you call a cow that plays the organ?
A: A moo-sician
Q: Why was the organ invented?
A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer.
Q: Did you hear the joke about church?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the organ player got hit by a car".
Q: What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments?
A: He puts his Leslie on "slow".
The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
Q: Why cant the skeleton play in the orchestra?
A: Because he has no organs.
Q: How do you get a million dollars?
A: Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the organ.
Q: What is the perfect weight for an organ player?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.
Q: What do all great organ players have in common?
A: They are all dead.
Q: What do you call a successful organ player?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
Q: Did you hear about the organ player who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.
Q: What's the difference between an organ player and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.
Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: An organ player with a mortgage.
Q: What does an organ and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Q: What's the difference between an organ and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between an organ player and god?
A: God doesn't think he's an organ player.
A B flat, a G flat, and an E flat walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we can't serve minors"
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."
A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"
The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"
The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a musician, I play the organ."
The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?