Musician Jokes

Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
A: Because he's Haydn!

Q: What's Musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-bachs.

Q: What do you call a cow that plays guitar?
A: A moo-sician

A young child told his mother "When I grow up I'm going to be a musician."
His mother responded "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What's the first thing a musician says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza!"

Did you hear that AC/DC was killed in a plane crash earlier?
Yeah, they were Thunderstruck, Shot Down in Flames, and sent down the Highway to Hell.

Q: What do you call a male quartet?
A: Three men and a tenor.

What do you call a musician with problems?
a trebled man.

Q: Why do bands tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

Q: What did Demi Lavoto say to the doctor?
A: I think I'll have a heart attack.

Q: Why didn't the vampire bite Taylor Swift?
A: Because she had bad blood.

Q: Why was N.W.A. so "cool"?
A: Because they had Ice Cube and millions of fans.

Q: What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream.

Q: What do you call a public park named after Drake?
A: Aubrey Plaza.

Q: How did Beethoven travel around Europe?
A: He took the Ludwig van.

Q: Who is a tissue's favorite rapper?
A: Boogie smalls.

Q: What singer is most popular for the bees?
A: Bee-yonce.

Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To say hello from the other side.

Q: David Cassidy struggles with dementia.
A: He was a pop icon but now he's just a Daydreamer.

Q: What do the Bee Gees have a problem with?
A: "Stayin Alive..."

Q: What do you call a singing vegetable?
A: Elvis Parsley.

Q: What Nickelodeon cartoon does P Diddy watch?
A: The Notorious Peppa P.I.G.

Q: What do you call a successful musician?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What is a Jell-O's favorite song?
A: Gettin Jiggy with it!

Q: What's the difference between a musician and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A musician with a mortgage.

Q: What did Bryan Adams say when he got a paper cut?
A: Owww! It cuts like a knife!

Q: Why wont the Rolling Stones use a bandage?
A: Because they are a band with no age.

Q: What kind of music do planets sing?
A: Neptunes.

Q: What do hip hop artists do on Christmas?
A: Unwrap.

Q: What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music?
A: Swing

Q: What do you call a group of musicians who can stretch out a tune?
A: An elastic band!

Q: What do you get when you cross a rapper and a popular cartoon?
A: Thugs Bunny.

Q: What do you call a bunch of musicians in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: Did you hear about the musician who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.

Q:What do you call a musician petrified by Medusa?
A: A rockstar!

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"

Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
A: Bach in the saddle again.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

How did Johnny Cash die?
He didn't see the train a comin.

Friend: Is it nice outside?
Me: Yes, its an Ariana Grande.

What did Beethoven do when he died?
He decomposed!

I took a picture with REM, wanna see it?....Look thats me in the corner.

I knew Ice cube when he was called water.

50 Cent tried to start beef with Rick Ross and he ate it.

Tom Jones walks into a bar. "I want a martini, with two olives, two strawberries and a stick of celery".
"I never heard of the before," says the bartender.
"It's not unusual" says Tom

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

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