Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.
Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?
A: The knocking gets slower.
Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?
A: The knocking gets faster.
Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?
A: The bass player notices.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just
be pushed in.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."
A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"
The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"
The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a musician, I play the drums."
The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"
Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?
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