Drum Jokes


Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.

Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?
A: The knocking gets slower.

Q: What do you call a drummer that also raps?
A: A beat boxer.

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?
A: The knocking gets faster.

Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?
A: The bass player notices.

Q: Why is a drummer never late?
A: Because he always beats the clock.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: Did you hear about the drummer that was acquitted of murder?
A: He "beat the rap".

Q: What happens when a drummer loses his sticks?
A: His heart misses a beat.

Q: What's the first thing a drummer says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza!"

Q: Why are drummers so good at billards?
A: Because they are hard to beat.

A young child told his mother "When I grow up I'm going to be a drummer."
His mother responded "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the instructions into the drum machine once!

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: What do you call a dying fish on a drum?
A: dramatic drum roll.

Q: What happens when you hide a drummers sticks?
A: He beats his head against the wall.

Q: Why did the chicken join a band?
A: Because it already had drumsticks.

Q: How do you get a million dollars?
A: Start off with 2 million and become a drummer.

Q: What do you call a successful drummer?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What does Ringo Starr do for a living?
A: It beats me.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A drummer with a mortgage.

Q: Why are drummers expert procrastinators?
A: Because they like to beat around the bush.

Q: Why do drummers tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

Q: What is the perfect weight for a drummer?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.

Q: What do all great drummers have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: What does a drummer and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What do you call a bunch of drummers in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: How do you keep your money from being stolen?
A: Hide it under a drummers soap.

Q: Why do drummers leave their sticks on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a drummer.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff. What sound do they make?
Baaa-Dum-Tssss!

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

I once told a drummer he sucked and he beat me to a bloody pulp.

Don't ever tell a drummer he sucks.
He might beat you to within an inch of your life.

There was a Drummer and A Flute Player Having a FIGHT. The Flute Player Won The Fight. She is all right. But The DRUMMER IS ALL BEAT UP BADLY.

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the drums."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

Hijacked
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of drummers. They called ground control with a list of demands.
Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one drummer an hour.

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