Turnip Jokes


Q: What water yields award winning Turnips?
A: Perspiration!

Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant turnips?
A: Garden hose!

Q: Where did the turnip go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!

Q: What is the difference between turnips and snot?
A: Children will eat their snot!

Q: Did you guys hear about the farm party?
A: The turnip was too real

Two turnips
One day two turnips, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured turnip called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured turnip was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured turnip, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

No Turnips
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any turnips? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of turnips, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the turnips are.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of turnips, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the turnips, I need some turnips right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your turnips from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in turnips. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in turnips?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a turnip in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 turnips and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 turnips."
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Turnip !
Turnip who?
Turnip for work at nine or you're fired !

Knock Knock
Who's there !
Turnip !
Turnip who?
Turnip the heat it's cold in here!

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