Tea Jokes


What do you call a talkative drink?
Chai Tea.

What kind of tea do babies drink?
Tit Tea.

What kind of celebration pays down the national debt?
A tea party.

What did four of the last five presidents drink?
Left-Tea.

How long does it take to brew Chinese tea?
Oolong time.

What do you call a healthy dinosaur?
Tea-Rex.

How does a vampire make tea?
With a used tampon.

When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage?
If it's not your cup of tea.

What do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-Tea.

What do teapots wear to a tea party?
A T-shirt.

What do politicans need to drink?
Honest-Tea.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What's the opposite of Green Tea?
Fat-Tea.

What drink breaks the ice?
Flirt-Tea.

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

What drink do you need to steal?
Virgin-tea.

Why do hipsters only drink iced tea?
Because ice was water before it was cool.

What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ?
Tea-Lo Green

What do murderers drink?
Cruel-tea.

What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea?
Denis.

What drink do goalies hate?
Penal-tea.

What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath?
Mint-Tea.

Why did the teapot get in trouble?
Because he was Naught-Tea.

Why do Communists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.

What do sophisticated fish drink?
Salt-Tea.

What drink scares defense lawyers?
Guilt-Tea.

What do socially concious people drink?
LGB-Tea.

What do people with ambition drink?
Loft-Tea.

How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch?
Tea Rex?

What drink brings you down to earth?
Gravi-Tea.

Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea?
Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

What does a worry wart drink?
Safe-Tea.

What do dogs like to drink?
Kit-Tea.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank his tea before it was cool.

What did Katy Perry drink when she was little?
Bust-Tea.

What did Jen Selter drink when she was little?
Boot-Tea.

What can you only drink in the Middle East?
Dust-Tea.

Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of tea?
Because according to the Torah He Brews!

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.

What do athletes drink before games?
Sport-Tea.

What should you drink before you workout?
Sweat-Tea.

How did Courtney Love distill the life out of Kurt Cobain?
With Pennyroyal Tea.

What do teachers drink at school?
Facul-Tea.

Price of Tea
A guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress: "How much is the tea?"
"Tea is four dollars." the waitress says
"How much is a refill?" the man asks.
"Free, "says the waitress.
"Then I'll take a refill!" the man responds.

Viagra in Sweet Tea
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him tea, stir it into the tea and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terrible, doctor, terrible."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."

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